Loneliness
by Miserable Cloud
Summary: River isn't able to have her own life because of her family. Her only friend is Johnny Cade who has some of the same problems as her. Eventually she'll have to learn how to lean on others and be able to trust them.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, well, as you know I did not create the Outsiders, but I DID create: River, and her whole family. **

**Anyhoo ... This is my first story ON HERE, but of course I've written many other stories! But ... I hope you guys like it. Oh, and I want you to know that in the later on chapters this will get a whole lot more interesting. Okay. Hope you like it:**

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**Chapter One**

It was pitch black and the sky was clear of clouds. Ponyboy, Johnny, and I lay on the grass in the park, staring at the stars silently. It was around two in the morning and was dead-quiet. We had told Darry Pony might be later getting home but I don't think he realized just how late. Maybe Darry would've been less anxious if Pony had been with Steve all strong and fit, or Two-Bit with his 10" switchblade, or Soda who flips when his buddy's getting beaten up, than with Johnny who's skittish of fights and people in general, and me who's a small weak cripplingly shy girl who's terrified of anyone I don't know.

"Darry'll freak if I'm any more late, you guys!" Pony stated, speaking what was on everyone's minds.

Silently, all three of us climbed to our feet, our backs now wet from the damp grass. Johnny stretched and we headed on over to the Curtis'. Their house was the house that everyone stayed at when things weren't working out at their own homes. Darry, Sodapop, and Ponyboy were like the poster-boys of great brothers. They loved and truly missed their parents who had died in a car wreck, and they always stuck together, looking out for each other. I only wished I had a family even close to that.

I had an alcoholic mother, an abusive father, two brothers ages fifteen and seventeen, and three sisters ages five, ten, and thirteen. I was the second oldest child behind Jimmy who did nothing. He sat in his room or in the basement with his friends and did crack. My fifteen year old brother, Cal, and thirteen year old sister, Mary, went out with their friends, and I had to stay with my five and ten year old sisters, Sam and Jen, to protect them from our parents. Except for rare times like tonight when Dad was out at a bar and Mary and Cal were at home with Sam and Jen. These were the hours I was able to have my own life. The only other moments were when I locked me, Sam, and Jen in our small room we shared with Mary, and wrote while they played with used holey sock puppets they created for lack of other toys.

Johnny Cade and I had been best friends ever since we met in grade seven when some popular guys were bugging me one day at school outside in the field. It was a really hot day and I was wearing an abnormally large and long-sleeved sweater. I was terrified out of my mind and couldn't force anything out except "Stop it!" squeakily. Soda, being the big sweetheart he is, cussed them out (how ironic) and saved me. He asked me why they were bugging me but I wouldn't answer, avoiding eye contact and tugging on my sleeves nervously. Soon he gave up and left with Steve and Dally, but Johnny hung around timidly. He wouldn't look at me and I could see his darkly tanned face turning red behind his greasy black hair.

"D-Do they hurt?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

My eyes widened. "W-W-What?" I stammered, my heartbeat quickening.

He glanced up, then threw his eyes to the floor. "Mine hurt too!"

I started shaking violently. _How does he know?_

He pulled back the sleeves of his jean jacket. His wrists were purple and his arms were all cut up. He looked up and saw the tears brim my eyes. He quickly pulled them down and moved closer. Breathing deeply, I pulled up my sleeves too. My wrists were also purple but more recent (last night) and instead of cuts all up my arms I had bruises and some random scratches. I looked around and pulled them down. We were standing near the corner of the field where not many people went. I slowly lifted my gaze to his eyes. They were big, black, sad, lonely, and understanding. From then on, nothing could ever break that bond, that special connection.

I had no other friends at the time since I was too shy to talk to anyone and I had to spend all my time raising Jen who was three at that time and Mary who was six because Mom was always drinking and passed out, and Dad was at work or the bar. But now I hung out with Johnny. Most of the time Ponyboy and Dally were around but I didn't mind. Pony was really nice to me and he listened well, but Dally scared me. Strangely enough, he never tried to hit on me or tease me or mess with my head. I think it was because I was friends with Johnny, and Johnny was the only person Dally ever loved. He'd do anything for Johnny and Johnny the same for him. I tried to not mess with that relationship - it was the only way Johnny felt even a bit safe and Dally got his love fix. Don't get me wrong, this is no serious love, like ... marriage or whatever, just a deep friendship. Besides Dally beat up queers (which I don't agree with at all).

See, Johnny got beat up at home too by his Dad. That's why we both had purple wrists. Our fathers had squeezed them, cutting off blood and bruising them. Johnny's had happened two weeks before mine. His Dad had grabbed his wrists and kicked him and kneed him in the stomach repeatedly, and then threw stuff at his head which he, of course, blocked with his arms. Mine happened the night before Johnny noticed them. My Dad had gotten drunk and high off meth and accused me of stealing his money. He grabbed my wrists and tightened when I tried to run and haul Sam and Jen up into the safety of our room. He pushed me up against the wall, my arms pinned up by my head still squeezing my wrists, and yelled in my face furiously, swearing at me and calling me 'worthless', while Sam and Jen watched horrified. When I started bawling, he hit me with all his strength in the head three times. I hated him and Mom so much! She sat there and laughed the whole time, Sam and Jen bawling their eyes out and screaming. I loathed my parents with a passion.

Finally we reached Pony's house.

"Well, I'll see you guys around!" He waved and stepped into the house.

Johnny turned and sighed. "Do you ... wanna go home or ... stay out here?" he asked quietly.

I smiled. "I better go check on Sam and Jen!"

He nodded, still not smiling. "I'll walk with you!"

It only took about five minutes to reach my falling apart dump of a house. I frowned as we stood outside of it It was so quiet! Eerily quiet!

"Something's wrong!" I said aloud and Johnny started shaking.

"River?" he squeaked but I ignored him.

Slowly I crept up the broken stairs with Johnny following closely behind. I didn't know what I expected but I was still scared. My heart thumping against my ribs, I pushed open the door inch by inch. I gasped, my hands flew to my mouth, my heart stopped, and the tears spurted out of my eyes as my legs gave out and I collapsed on the floor.

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**'Kay! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review this!!! I want to know what people think of it and maybe how I could make it more interesting!**

**Oh, and I know the dialogue was kind of rough in this chapter, but it's just because I was trying to get the story started, so bear with me. :) Thanks for reading!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**This STUPID computer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyhoo ... Thank you for all the reviews!! You guys truly make me feel so loved!! I can't remember being close to this happy in a long time. I just wanna say that Johnny's not in this one a whole lot but in later ones he will!! So don't worry! Or get mad at me :(**

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**Chapter Two**

It was a bloody massacre. On the floor, all sprawled in awkward positions, lay my whole family. On the stairs lay Sam, Jen, and Mary in positions suggesting they were trying to run up them. My Mom lay on the couch, my two brothers on the kitchen half of the room's floor, and my Dad beside the couch with the gun in his hand.

The sobs trying to escape were too thick and just choked me, my heart splitting severely. They were all dead! My whole family! My sweet Sam, Jen, Mary, and Cal! I pounded the floor fiercely, bawling my face off.

"Oh, River!" Johnny moaned, pulling me into a tight hug.

I heard the ambulance and police sirens pierce through the night, but I didn't move. I didn't even run over to them, to my precious darlings I raised on my own and loved with all my soul.

Some police guy pushed Johnny away and pulled me up. He killed them all! My father killed them all and then killed himself! My neighbour stood behind the officer, staring wide-eyed.

"Yes, that's their other daughter," he told the officer.

I didn't see what happened next. I just cried and cried and cried. Somehow I ended up in a police car and I was going somewhere. I didn't know what was happening, and frankly I didn't care! I wanted my siblings back!

I gave my whole life to protect them and raise them and make it all seem better. I should never have left them there! I should've stayed there or even brought them with me! I should never have stayed out so long! I should've protected them! I could've saved them!

It felt like my whole body was falling apart and throbbing harshly. _I think my heart died! _Everything was a blur of tears and soon I was being led into a building. I didn't want to be here! I wanted to run! I wanted to be alone!

"Sit down, please!" an officer told me.

I fell into the seat and covered my face with my hands, trembling.

"Do you have any other family?"

I shrugged and inhaled tensely. "I …" I took a deep breath, sat up, and took my hands away. "… I don't know! My … grandparents … are dead but …" I burst out sobbing. "Don't you have a file or something!!" I blurted, "He was arrested before!!"

"I need to know ..."

"I don't want to talk!!! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I shouted. My emotions were overflowing.

"But I need ..."

"HIS NAME WAS JEFF WINTER!!! GO LOOK HIM UP AND STOP IT!!" I screamed. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

He stared at me for a while longer, then got up and left. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth tight.

After what seemed like hours of pure suffering the cop returned.

"You have …" he said, reading some papers in his hands, "… an uncle that lives near here. His name is Rick Winter. He's your dad's brother. Ever heard of him?"

I shook my head nervously. Who was I being thrown with?

"Well, we've called him and he's agreed to take you!"

A wave of fear washed through me. I didn't even know who he was! Then the cop left. I fell asleep around half an hour later.

In the morning he woke me up and led me to his car. I guess during the night they'd done the paperwork or whatever they do. I was pretty sure they weren't done yet but I had to stay somewhere!

"Okay River. We're going to your house so you can get your stuff and then we'll head over to your uncle's."

I didn't say anything, staring out the window. I didn't want to live with a total stranger! I wanted to live … at Johnny's house or at the Curtis'. But that would never happen. Where did he live? Would I still be able to see my friends? Or would I be separated from everything I ever knew? Tears slowly streamed down my face and I quickly brushed them away.

Soon we pulled up to my house. The cop got out and opened the door for me. I crawled out and stared. The bodies were gone but not the blood yet and I was completely disturbed. The cop pushed me in the back and I slowly stepped over the yellow tape and crept up the stairs. I burst out sobbing as I crossed the room to the stairs. Sam, Jen, and Mary flashed into my mind lying on the steps.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I whispered.

"I'm sorry," he replied quietly, pushing me again.

Starting to shake, I just bolted up the stairs and into my room where I grabbed my little bag and started shoving clothes and stuff into it. I wanted to get it done quickly and get out of there! I paused, staring at Sam and Jen's sock puppets. I picked up one and examined it, memories flooding my head. Memories I didn't want at that moment. Finally making up my mind, I grabbed all five of them and shoved them in my bag. I also took Sam's ratty teddy bear, Jen's holey blanket, and Mary's favourite book. My throat clogged, threatening tears as I left that room and entered Cal and Jimmy's. There I grabbed Cal's pillowcase.

"I've got everything I need," I muttered to the officer.

I followed him all the way back outside and into the car.

"Where does … my uncle live?" I asked softly as we pulled back onto the road.

"On Jeffersen Road."

Jeffersen Road? That was the road next to Johnny's road! My mood lifted a miniscule bit.

Five minutes later and we stopped in front of a house just as dumpy as mine. My mood just crushed the happiness I almost had.

"Well, see you around, River!" the cop said cheerfully.

"You … You aren't gonna come check him out?" I asked.

"Uh … Don't see why I would!"

I glared and climbed out, slamming the door.

"Cheap town!!" I muttered unbelievingly.

He drove away without a second thought at all. Suddenly scared, I swung my bag onto my shoulder and slowly made my way to the door and knocked weakly. A few seconds later and the door opened to reveal an unshaven, beer bellied, gross man. Of course. My luck!

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**So uh ... yeah, really I've got NO idea what happens when your family dies and you're left alone. So I just made up the police and paperwork thing and I know it seems to easy but ... I couldn't think of anything. And anyways, I'm just gonna say this is a junky town so the police don't really care and just do it the easy way. There! 'Kay, well, please review!! I'm soooo pathetic!! Oh yeah, and I don't think she'd be allowed to go in the house and fool around with evidence and take stuff, but I'm just gonna use my other excuse and say the police don't care! And they've already threw the case away as a murder/suicide. 'Kay!! Keep reading!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yeah, I dunno if this one's that interesting of a chapter, but next chapter will be better. Yup! Yeah, and this kind of got left off at a weird spot. But anyhoo ... Thanks for reading and thanks for the reviews[grin**

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He stared at me for a while, running his eyes up and down me. I felt like puking or bawling when I saw the look in his eyes.

"You that … girl?" he asked unintelligently.

I frowned at him. "Uh … I guess!"

He reached out, grabbed my shoulder, and pulled me in roughly.

I could tell the second I entered his house I was going to hate living there. The front door was attached to the living room and kitchen together (like my old house) which were both littered with beer cans and liquor bottles and food wrappers and pizza boxes and crack pipes and weird stains on the carpet that looked suspiciously like puke. The smell of pot filled the air and I could feel my heart tensing up with disappointment and fear.

"How old are you, girl?"

I turned around to face him. "Sixteen."

"Got a boyfriend?" he asked with a small creepy smile.

"No," I said under my breath, my heart starting to beat faster.

His eyes flashed. "Ever had one?"

"Why do you wanna know?"

He grinned.

"Uh … Do I have a room?" I asked quickly, turning around and hiding behind a counter so he couldn't stare at me.

He groaned unhappily and flopped onto the couch. "Yeah! The second on the right."

I bolted up the stairs and into the room. It was a very small room – just big enough for a bed and a dresser, and that's all that was in it. I crammed myself in and dropped my bag on the bed and sat beside it. I looked out the small cheap and dirty window and saw the deserted Jeffersen Road. Soon all the tears exploded. I hid my face in my hands, rocking back and forth, and sobbing harshly. I felt so alone and so scared! Would I have to live with this … creep … for two whole years? What would I do without Sam, Jen, Mary, and Cal? They were seriously the only reason for my life! Would I ever feel happy again?

After about an hour of bawling, I calmed down and started unpacking. When I finished, I sat there and realised how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten since lunch the previous day. What time was it anyways? Too scared to go downstairs I went to the window and fought to open it. With a loud and rusty screech it opened and I stuck my head out. Luckily the porch roof was right under my window. I climbed out and stood on the porch roof. It moved and creaked. Please don't break!! I crept to the side and jumped off.

I landed on the dead grass and ran as fast as I could down the road to the next and down to Johnny's house. It was sometime in the late afternoon so I doubted that he was home but I had to make sure. Sure enough I didn't hear any yelling so I jogged to the park. He wasn't there either. There were so many places he could be! Now forced to a walk I made my way slowly to the Curtis'.

I knew I was finally right when I was three houses down. I could hear Two-Bit making wisecracks, and Soda and Steve play-fighting and Darry calling them names and trying to make them stop.

When I was one house away suddenly feeling really shy and nervous, Ponyboy pointed at me and Johnny whipped around looking worried. Thankfully no one else noticed until I reached them and, judging by their faces, Johnny had told them. I didn't want any attention at all! I just wanted to be in the company of people I was comfortable around. Everyone was dead-quiet, staring at me.

Soon Soda noticed how uncomfortable I was and convinced everyone to go in the house.

"You and Pony wanta go to the park or … something?" I asked quietly.

Johnny smiled and looked at Ponyboy who nodded.

Once at the park we climbed up onto the monkeybars.

"So … What happened after they took you away?" Johnny asked softly.

I recounted what happened at the police station and getting my stuff from my house but paused at where I was living now.

"Who do you have to live with?"

I swallowed. I didn't want to think about him. "My uncle. But I think he's a pervert!" Johnny's downcast eyes widened. "I mean, he kept looking me up and down and he asked if I've ever had a boyfriend!" I felt like puking! "He's also an addict and alcoholic and total pig!" I started shaking. "I don't want to live there! I can't!!"

"No!" Johnny agreed, "You can't!! I mean, if he's a pervert, what if …" He looked thoroughly disgusted. "… Eugh!"

I nodded slowly.

"But … How are you with …" He shrugged.

I closed my eyes and inhaled. "It's only been one day!"

"I know," he said quickly, dropping his head, "Sorry."

"No, it's alright! I'm just …" I wanted so bad to blab about how important Sam, Jen, Mary, and Cal were to me but he already knew. I talked about them all the time … like a proud mother. I sighed heavily and almost started crying.

"He understands what's going on in your head, River," Ponyboy assured me, a hand on Johnny's shoulder, "You're not alone, okay? He talks about you and your siblings enough so I know he understands!" He smiled. "You know how much trouble he has putting his thoughts into words that's all!"

I grinned. "Yeah, I know! Thanks!"

We were silent for a few minutes, swinging our legs.

"What time is it anyways?" I asked abruptly.

They both shrugged.

"Maybe around four?" Pony suggested.

"Is anyone else starving?"

"Yes!!" Johnny exclaimed, jumping off the bars, ready to go.

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**YAY!! Next chapter will be up on ... Tuesday. ... yeah. And I've also started a new story for Harry Potter, so ... you should read it too (and review), and uh ... but don't worry, I still love this story and I'll still be obsessing and writing it. Okay. **

**If you're wondering how I can get this done so fast (cuz I'm already on the fifth chapter) it's just cuz I don't have a life and this is ALL i do ALL day (except clean the house and EAT), but yeah. But I'm gonna keep you in suspense HAHA i know I'm evil!! SO you have to wait until Tuesday!! But on Monday, I'm putting the Harry Potter one out. Okay. Bye!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I know I said i'd put this up on tuesday but ... i decided to put it on today!! haha. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter Four**

We stood outside the drug store with Pepsis and chips. This was our idea of a meal. After we ate, we just roamed around town, fooling around, and at midnight Pony headed home. Johnny and I lay sprawled out on the grass in the park. We all were sure spending a lot of time there lately, mostly because the Lot was too hard to lie on. I fell into sleep thinking of my life and hating it.

I jerked awake hearing happily screaming little kids. I opened my eyes to meet the bright full-blown sun. _What time is it?_ I sat up quickly, unsticking my shirt from my back.

The park was full of little kids playing and lovers walking hand-in-hand. How stupid we must have looked sleeping on the ground. I looked over and Johnny was facing the opposite direction and blinking the sleep out of his eyes. Confused, he sat up too.

"What the …"

I got to my feet and realised I was completely soaked. Stupid morning dew! Now fully awake, Johnny followed suit and stretched.

"What now?" he muttered.

"Gotta check on Jen and Sam!"

He stopped and stared at me with big sad eyes. "River …"

Then I remembered and almost burst out in tears. "Oh …" I moaned, rubbing my face.

"I'm sorry," he basically whispered.

He was so quiet! But I couldn't complain (not that I was) 'cause I was just as quiet! People bugged me about it everywhere I went but they didn't know what I went through. That was something I liked about the guys Johnny hung around – they understood and didn't bug us. And they basically adopted me. They always told me I was part of the gang but I felt like I was intruding. Johnny and Pony assured me they liked having me there but the part of my brain that just couldn't trust people convinced me they lied.

"Wanta go to Pony's?"

I nodded.

We didn't even knock, just walked in. Pony was in the kitchen, Two-Bit was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, and Dally was lying on the couch. They all looked over and grinned widely. Dally jumped from the couch and came over to us.

"Hey Johnnycake, how're you doing?" he asked eagerly.

Two-Bit and Pony appeared behind him.

"Fine," Johnny muttered, getting uncomfortable with all the attention.

"So River, how you dealing?" Two-Bit asked seriously (very rare).

I shrugged, avoiding all eye contact.

"Are you living with an aunt or something?"

"My uncle."

Dally glanced over at me then back to Johnny. "Haven't seen you in about two weeks, huh? Yeah, damn cops!"

Two-Bit ignored him telling his story. "Ever notice the similarities between all our dads? I mean either they're not in our lives or they junky, right? I mean, Darry, Soda, and Pony's Dad is dead," (Pony hung his head), "Steve's Dad kicks him out basically every night they fight so much, Johnny's Dad beats him up, my Dad just up and left," (he glared), "who knows where Dally's Dad is, and yours …" He faded off.

Though I appreciated Two-Bit calming down for a second and coming to a conversational level with others, I wished everyone would quit talking about me and my … family.

I think he got the hint though because he nodded and sat back down in front of the television. Pony had headed into the kitchen so I followed him. He stood at the sink washing dishes.

"Can I help?" I asked calmly.

He looked up. "Ah, no, I got it!"

"Seriously, I can get it done real quick!" I exclaimed, rolling up my sleeves, "I had to learn to do them fast 'cause I was too scared to take my eyes off Sam and Jen for too long or …" I stopped and shifted my eyes.

"Uh … Really, I can do this!"

"Fine! I just … wanted to … do something."

He nodded understandingly. "Well, you can eat some cake!"

I smiled, grabbed a plate and fork, and sat down at the table. Johnny entered when I was halfway done and sat across from me looking sad.

"Do you think your uncle noticed you're gone now?" he asked gently.

My fork froze in midair. "Probably," I muttered, looking out of the corner of my eye at the floor, "He's probably gone through my … stuff … by now. He probably wants me to cook for him and … stuff." I sighed heavily, shivering at the thought. Then suddenly I realised all the prized possessions I'd taken (puppet socks, book, and pillow case) were at that house in that room with that guy!! I dropped the fork and sat up straight, my eyes wide. "I gotta go get …" I couldn't even finish; I was already halfway out of the chair before Johnny figured out I was leaving.

"Wait, where are you going?"

I didn't reply, heading for the door quickly.

"I'll come!!" he exclaimed and caught up to me.

"Er … Bye!" I said softly to Two-Bit, Dally, and Pony, as I ripped open the door and bolted out.

"River, where are you going?" Johnny asked as he trailed me.

"My … uncle's!"

"Why?"

"You'll see."

When we finally reached the house, we were both gasping for air. Johnny was a smoker and I was not in the best shape ever. I was a stick and all but that was from lack of food not exercising. I motioned to Johnny to be quiet as I peeked in the window. Rick (uncle) was lying on the couch with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, watching TV. I raced across and climbed up onto the porch roof.

"Just stay there!" I whispered to Johnny, "I'll be right back!"

Just as he nodded, my foot broke through the old and dirt cheap roof. Johnny jumped, startled.

"No!" I groaned, trying to free my leg.

I could hear Rick swearing and rustling around inside. Johnny climbed up and tried to help.

"No, no, no …" I spat as I heard the front door open, "What if he … No … Run! Johnny run!"

He stared at me with big eyes. "What?"

"He might …"

But I was interrupted by a loud, "Who are you, boy!!"

All the blood drained from Johnny's face and his eyes grew the hugest I'd ever seen them.

"No!!" I cried as Rick ran over, grabbed the collar of Johnny's jean jacket, and ripped him off the side of the porch.

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**Awww ... poor Johnny!! 'Kay, thanks for reading, and please review!!**


	5. Chapter 5

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Terror filled up inside me as I struggled frantically to get free and watched Johnny on the ground.

"Why were you going up into her room?!!" Rick roared into Johnny's horrified face.

Johnny covered his face with his arms, basically dying of fear. He was so jumpy ever since those Socs got him that one day and I didn't blame him.

"STOP IT!!" I screamed, starting to cry.

I ripped my foot out and jumped off the porch roof. Rick kicked Johnny in the side furiously and Johnny let out a small whimper and curled up. Anger erupted in my stomach and I threw myself at Rick and tore him away from Johnny.

"Leave him alone!!"

Rick turned to face me and smirked. "Ooh! Protective! Hey, girl, you lied to me when you said you didn't have a boyfriend!!"

I glared at him, tears streaming down my face.

"What, do you hate me now?"

"Are you kidding me?!" I cried. I pushed past him and helped Johnny up. "I'm so sorry!" Johnny was so scared he was trembling.

"He's such a wimp, River! He won't …" but he was interrupted by a furious,

"Rick Winter!!"

He spun around to see a car with a big man in it. He swore and started towards it.

"How many times do I need to tell you before you get it in your thick skull that if you miss anymore work I will kill you?!!" the man roared.

"I know! I'm sorry, sir!" He was like a puppy with its tail between its legs.

"Get in! And who's that?" He stared at me.

"My niece."

"Hey girl! Your uncle won't be home for two days!!"

"What?!" Rick spat.

"You really expect me to let you come home when you missed yesterday and the day before and so many other days?!!" the man snapped. "Now get in!!"

He moaned but obeyed, and they drove off. I helped Johnny into the wreck of a house and sat him down on a nearly broken wooden chair. I felt so horrible for him. Rick hadn't hurt him or anything but he totally scared him out of his mind. I went to the fridge and opened it. The only thing in it was beer. I closed it and turned on the tap but the water smelled like rotten eggs.

"There's nothing to drink in this flippin' house!!" I cried, frustrated.

"I-I'm fine really," Johnny stammered shakily, rummaging in his pocket. He was still white as a ghost and was quivering but didn't look like he was going to puke anymore. He pulled out a cigarette and matches and lit it.

I didn't like that he smoked but it helped calm his crazy nerves once in a while. It was just that every time I smelt cigarette smoke I thought of my dad hitting me. I frowned and sat on a different wooden chair.

"I don't like being in this house … even when he's not here," I muttered, looking around.

Johnny sighed and glanced at everything too. "Yeah! It's pretty … bad!"

"Where do you think he works?" I asked quietly.

"I'm guessing by how his boss was furious and still didn't fire him, how he threatened to kill him, how they both look, and by all the stuff in this house, I'd have to say the boss guy's a drug dealer and your uncle delivers stuff, just brings the drugs from place to place. Maybe even brings the drugs to the dealer guy."

"How …"

He shrugged. "I overhear my dad, I've walked along the streets before! Hard to forget that stuff you hear!"

Nodding, I got up and walked over to the counter. I saw a five dollar bill lying there. Starting to smile, I grabbed it.

"Come on, let's go get something to eat!"

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We ended up at the drugstore again with chips and Pepsis. We sat outside on the grass eating and drinking our junk when suddenly Soda, Steve, Pony, Two-Bit, and Dally showed up.

"Whoa! Look who's here!" Soda exclaimed, grinning widely. He was always so happy!

"What're you guys doin'?" Dally asked, patting Johnny's shoulder.

"Just eatin'," Johnny said softly.

Dally looked at him harder. "You're kinda pale buddy! What happened?"

"Aw, nothin' real big!"

Dally glanced over at me and I shrugged. If I told him he'd make a big deal about it, blame me, and then run off to threaten Rick … Then again, maybe I should tell him. But I decided against it. I didn't need Rick killing Dally. Poor Johnny would break!

"Fine!" he snapped, "I gotta go get some Kools!" He went into the store kind of angrily.

"Hey! Me, Pony, and Dally are gonna head on over to a movie soon, you guys wanna come?" Two-Bit asked abruptly.

"That's a stupid question," Pony joked, "Of course they'll come!"

Johnny and I both nodded and got up. It was a stupid question! They all knew we'd do anything but go home!

When Dally returned with two packages of smokes, he, Two-Bit, Pony, Johnny, and I left Soda and Steve, and walked to the Dingo, the roughest drive-in in town.

Sure enough when we reached it, there were two fights in progress. One between Tim Shepard and some hood, and the other between two greasers I didn't know. Dally and Two-Bit stopped to watch and cheer them on but Pony, Johnny, and I continued to the backrow seats, Johnny in the middle. I sighed and slumped down in the seat, waiting for the movie to start.

"Wonder what time it is," I muttered.

"Yeah," Johnny agreed.

"I think it's around three or four," Pony said calmly.

"Hey greasers! That's our spot!!" a raspy harsh voice said from behind our heads.

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**Poor poor people!! Yeah ... please review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for still reading!! Oh, and yes, I do love exclamation marks and I tend to use them without even thinking so ... sorry. haha**

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Johnny's neck froze in complete fear while Pony and I slowly turned our heads. Six Socs stood behind us glaring with pure hatred.

"Get out!!" the one in the middle barked at us.

"Why should they?!" Two-Bit appeared beside them with Dally following.

"Because it's our seats, hood!!"

Two-Bit looked offended. "I'm not a hood! But Dally, he's a hood!"

Dally flicked out a switchblade, his eyes widening maniacally.

"There's no need for that!!" the soc spat.

"Get outta here!!"

Two-Bit pushed one of them and the socs freaked. He shoved Two-Bit back harder, knocking him into Dally. "Don't touch me, filth!!"

_Don't fight! Please don't fight_, I thought, _I don't want to be dragged in and I don't want to watch! I'm too weak!_

"Don't – call – me – filth!!" Two-Bit roared and punched the soc in the face.

_No!_ I cried in my head.

The soc fell back and his friends attacked Dally and Two-Bit. Ponyboy jumped over the seats and joined in while Johnny and I watched terrified.

"What do we do?" I blurted, my mind shutting down out of fear.

Before Johnny could reply, the great blur of guys fighting had separated. The socs backed up, eyes big. Dally and Two-Bit both stood there flashing their switchblades. Two-Bit twitched as if to get them and they all ran the opposite direction. My body numb, I just stood there shocked. Two-Bit burst out laughing and put away his prized blade. _How could they both stay so cool in the middle of a fight?_

"Still wanna watch a movie?" Dally asked, grinning crazily.

Johnny and I both shook our heads slowly, still startled.

"Nuh uh!" Pony stated, rubbing his head.

Dally glanced over at Johnny and his smile slid away. "You okay, Johnnycake?"

Johnny looked up surprised. "Oh! Yeah … Yeah, I'm fine!"

Dally nodded. "Okay."

Once we'd left the drive-in, Dally saw a girl and chased her, and Two-Bit remembered he had a date with one of his many blondes, leaving Pony, Johnny, and me all alone to walk to … wherever we were going. For the rest of the day at least until midnight we just roamed around like usual. Not much fun.

"Do you guys … Where … er …" Pony searched for words, rubbing the back of his neck. "I dunno … You guys can stay at our place anytime, you know that right? … It's no bother for any o' us at all!"

I stared at my feet and Johnny nodded, "Sure, yeah!"

"Okay, well then … see ya!" He waved and stepped into his house.

"Come on," I said and Johnny and I headed back to the park where we sat on the fountain. I ran my fingers through the water and Johnny stared up at the sky.

"It's gettin' real cloudy up there," he stated after a few minutes.

I looked up and saw the big thick dark clouds coming in. They were beautiful and all but … it also meant rain (I LOVE rain) which also meant having to find a place to stay.

"Maybe they'll just pass over," I mumbled, staring up at them too.

So we both waited and watched, and about fifteen minutes later I felt the first drop. Gradually the rain grew harder and harder until it was pelting onto us and thunder started shaking the ground, and we were forced to get up and run.

"Wait!" I said, grabbing Johnny's arm and stopping, "Where are we going?"

"Er …" He shrugged, blinking the rain out of his eyes, "Either your uncle's or … the Curtis' or … my house."

I stood there, the rain soaking into my clothes, thinking hard. Johnny didn't want to go home, I was too scared to go to "my" house, and we both felt guilty for staying at the Curtis'.

"Fine! Pony's it is!" I exclaimed and we raced to their small but oh so homey house.

We stood on their front step nervously and paused before we entered. Soda looked up from the couch where he was watching TV and grinned. I was surprised he was actually sitting still!! He jumped up.

"Hey guys! Wow're you drenched!" He raised an eyebrow. "I'll go get you some dry clothes."

"Oh! You don't have to …" I started but he interrupted,

"No! You'll get a cold or … whatever. Just a sec," and he disappeared into the bedroom he shared with Pony.

Pony came out of the room, holding a book. "Hey Johnny, River!" he greeted cheerfully. "Guess you can't sleep outside in a storm, huh?"

Johnny smiled weakly.

"Well, I'm glad you guys came here," he continued, "Personally, I think it's a bit better than cowering under a piece of cardboard."

Just then Soda arrived with two towels, two shirts, and two pairs of jeans. "Sorry, jeans, not real comfy but all we got."

I took one of it all and locked myself in the bathroom. I stared at the clothes for a few seconds before putting them on. It felt pretty awkward to be wearing Soda's clothes. I was just glad it was a long-sleeved shirt, and his jeans were loose, therefore comfy. When I emerged, Pony had left for bed and Johnny was lying on a pile of blankets and pillows on the ground. Soda was still grinning widely.

"You got the couch, River," he said, pointing at it.

"Oh! Why do I get it?"

"You're a girl, of course!"

I frowned and sat on it.

"Well, g'night. Sleep well," Soda said and left the room.

I lay down and sighed. _Ooh! It's sure comfy! _And a few seconds later I was dead-asleep. A new record for me!

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**'Kay so ... I know not much happened in this chapter but ... I couldn't think. haha. I can't think a lot!! Please, I'm STILL begging you, review!! Thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for still reading! You guys are awesome! Hope you like this chapter!**

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**Chapter Seven**

I woke up really early the next morning and couldn't fall back asleep so I laid there for two more hours until Darry was finally up.

"Oh!" he exclaimed when he walked in and saw us lying there. "Hi!"

I smiled and sat up.

"You hungry?" he asked. "I'm just gonna make breakfast now!"

I knew what it'd be – eggs and chocolate cake.

"Uh … Yeah, but … I'll make my own!"

"No! No! Scrambled, boiled, fried, er … omelette?" He rummaged through the fridge.

"Uh … Scrambled please," I replied quietly. I didn't want him slaving away for me when I barged into their house and took their clothes and now food. I got up and joined him in the kitchen. "At least let me help?"

"How? What do you want to do? I'm making the eggs and there's not really anything else to do!"

"Fine!" I said, going back into the living room to plop on the couch.

Just as I sat down Johnny woke up. He sat straight and rubbed his eyes.

"G'morning!" I said cheerfully, grinning.

"Mornin'!" he mumbled, yawning. "Where … Oh!" He glanced around the whole room.

"Hey, good mornin' Johnny, River, Darry!!!" cried Soda as he hopped out of the room, excited and, of course, hyper. "How'd you sleep?" he asked me and Johnny, grinning insanely.

I smiled. "Great, thanks."

Johnny yawned again and stretched.

"I'll take that as 'Very well, thanks Soda, you're awesome'!"

Johnny beamed at him and got to his feet.

-------

After we'd all eaten, Johnny and I helped Pony do the dishes while Soda and Darry raced out the door to work, late again.

"I'll do the dishes tonight!" Soda called as he slammed the door shut.

"Do you guys wanna go the library today with me?" Pony asked while scrubbing a plate. "I gotta give a book back and get a new one."

"Sure," replied Johnny quietly.

You couldn't ask anyone else in the gang to go to a library (except me, if you considered me part of the gang), they'd either go and destroy everything or laugh at you hysterically.

Once we were done we set out the door, me still wearing Soda's oversized dark grey sweater and baggy-on-me jeans, Johnny wearing the same (he looked so little in them), and Pony carrying his book. It was still not completely light out and kind of cold and damp, but I loved the smell of early morning. It took about ten minutes of dead silence to reach the small library Pony loved. We entered (yes, it's open early in this town) and went straight for the shelves of books while Pony dropped his old book into a bin. Pony joined us and started pulling out random books and reading the backs. Johnny pulled out one book and smiled.

"Hey, Pony, it's _Gone with the Wind_!!" he said, showing it to him. "That movie was good! I'd read this but …" He didn't finish, just frowned and kept looking at it.

He wasn't the strongest reader ever but was a whole lot smarter than he gave himself credit for. He just liked to take his time on things and really concentrate to get everything out of them that could be taken, but teachers didn't have the time or patience to deal with people like that and focused on the faster students, putting him down and just plain saying he was stupid when he really truly wasn't. And since he'd heard all this negative stuff for his whole life he'd naturally come to believe every single one of them.

A few hours later of lying in the chairs and reading random books, we left the library slowly just to find three socs mulling around outside.

"Hey, I didn't know greasers could read!"

We tried to ignore them and keep walking but they blocked our way. They moved up close to me.

"You'd be a right pretty thing if your hair was clean, you had tighter and trendier clothes, and your body was a little more …"

"Shut up!" Johnny exclaimed nervously, interrupting him. I was extremely grateful.

"What?!" the soc snapped and moved closer dauntingly.

Johnny's eyes grew round and didn't say anything.

"Protective?" said the soc.

Johnny looked at the ground.

"Jealous 'cause you're too shy to tell her …"

"SHUT UP!!" Johnny yelled, his face red.

"Don't tell me what to do!" The soc shoved him and Johnny didn't do anything back. "What? Too scared to fight back?!" the soc taunted, pushing him again.

"Stop it!" I cried, trying to block him.

He put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me close to him.

"Ugh!" I groaned, pushing on him. "Quit it!"

"Let her go!!" Johnny stated forcefully, trying to pry him off.

The other two socs grabbed Johnny's shoulders and pulled him away while the one soc grabbed my hand and started dragging me to his car.

"NO!!" I shouted angrily, fighting against his strength. _Why do I have to be so weak?_

"No, come on you guys!! This isn't funny!!" Johnny pleaded, also struggling with the soc holding him.

Pony chased me and the soc, and jumped on his back, his arm tight around the soc's neck. The soc let go of me and tried to pry Pony's arm off, gasping for air. I ran back to Johnny and bit one of the socs arms. He let go of Johnny and pushed me onto the ground roughly while the other soc kept hold of Johnny. The soc that Pony was on dropped to the ground, choking. Pony jumped off him and ran back to us, punching the soc holding Johnny straight in the nose hard. I jumped off the ground, too fast for the still-standing-soc, and all three of us bolted as fast as we could out of there.

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**Hmm ... Well, Johnny's sweet. Please review. I swear, I'm gonna ask that every time until everyone who reads this actually reviews. haha. Anyways, thanks!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yeah! So sorry! I was gonna put this up yesterday but I had no time! Enjoy! Oh yes, and as you will tell, Sandy has not yet left!**

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**Chapter Eight**

We sat on the steps of Pony's house and thought about what happened. I was stunned and speechless. That soc tried to bring me to his car! Johnny and Pony stopped him! They beat them up!

"Th-Thanks … you guys," I said quietly.

They smiled in reply. Then, all of a sudden, Two-Bit appeared in front of us, grinning widely.

"What're ya guys doin'?" he asked, sitting beside Pony. No one answered. "Well, you guys sure are lively! Wanta go do somethin'?"

"Where's Dally?" asked Johnny, ignoring Two-Bit's question.

Two-Bit shrugged. "At the police station?" He inspected us. "Are you all wearing Soda's clothes?"

Pony burst out laughing for no real reason and stood up, stretching. "Who feels like vegging out?"

"Me," I said softly.

Johnny nodded.

"Just as long as I've got a beer and we're watching Mickey Mouse!" Two-Bit exclaimed.

We spent the next few hours watching Mickey Mouse. Around four Soda and Steve burst in rowdily.

"Watching TV?" asked Soda. "Already? Don't know how you can do it!" He jumped into the bedroom and a few minutes later, hopped out in his normal clothes. "Aw! How sweet – you guys like my clothes!" He glanced between me and Johnny, smiling hugely.

Just then the door quietly opened and a girl with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes stepped in timidly.

"SANDY!!" Soda cried excitedly.

He ran over to her, scooped her up, and shuffled out onto the porch, shutting the door. Steve whistled and plopped down beside Pony on the now crammed couch. A few minutes later Soda and Sandy returned. Sandy noticed me and smiled. I mirrored her. I didn't know her very well – just as Soda's girl – and I hadn't really talked to her before or anything.

"I propose a poker game!" Steve exclaimed, jumping to his feet.

"I'm in!" cried Two-Bit, waving his beer around.

"Aw, me too!" said Soda, sitting down at the table.

"Anyone else?" asked Steve as he dealt the cards.

The rest of us just shook our heads. I looked at Sandy and she looked upset about something. None of the guys had noticed yet, or they just felt too uncomfortable to ask what the matter was. She looked over at me, then motioned for me to go to her. Confused, I got up and went over to her.

"Wanta go for a walk?" she asked softly.

"Wha-? Uh … Okay."

She grinned and led me out the door. Slowly, we started down the sidewalk.

"I just … I wanted to talk to ya, River, 'cause you're a gal and … maybe ya'll understand." She paused. "Well, I came just now to tell Soda some'in' but … I saw the whole gang and … I freaked so …" She sighed heavily. "I need some help now! River, I'm … Wait! No, promise me ya won't tell a soul!"

"Uh … I promise."

"'Kay … I'm … I'm pregnant, River, and I … I don't know how to … I'm leaving to Florida in a few days!" She had started crying and I stared at her, shocked.

"But Florida …"

"My grandparents are there!"

"Whoa! Well … You have to tell Soda!!"

"But …" She started bawling even harder. "I-It … It isn't his!!" she burst and covered her face with her hands.

My eyes grew huge. "What?! But …"

"I know!" she cried. "I know! Soda doesn't know I … It was only once!!"

"Are you _sure_ it isn't Soda's?"

"I know it isn't!!"

"But … He was gonna marry you!"

"DON'T! Stop it!! You dunno how horrible I feel!!" She seemed to plead for my approval.

"I …" I rubbed my forehead. "I don't know … Are you gonna tell him?"

She shrugged sorrowfully. "I don't know, River! I … I'll tell him eventually!! I just … I needed to talk to someone!"

"Why didn't you tell Evie?"

She stared at me like I should've known the answer. "Because she'll tell Steve and he'll tell Soda!!" She shook her head. "I don't know. Maybe I shouldn'ta said anything."

"No! It's fine! I … I just don't … I have no experience with … pregnancies!! I mean, I saw my mom pregnant but she never … talked to me or anything or let me get near her …" I sighed. "I wish I could help but …"

"Well, thanks anyways … for listening." She managed a weak smile.

I nodded and we turned back. I felt kind of helpless and kind of like she'd expected more advice from me.

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At midnight, Johnny and I left the Curtis' and just strolled down the sidewalk.

"Well … I guess Rick won't be home till tomorrow and … I should probably change. We could stay there tonight," I offered softly.

He nodded. "Sure."

We walked into the house nervously. I turned on the TV and left Johnny in front of it while I went upstairs, got some 'clean' clothes, and stepped into the bathroom. I stared at the shower, disgusted, and wondered if I'd be cleaner not having a shower. I didn't think the whole house had ever been cleaned in its whole … life. Trying to ignore the grime, I had a quick shower, then ran, revolted, down the stairs and slumped into the couch, sighing.

"Do you wanna have a shower?" I asked Johnny.

"I'll go home tomorrow," he replied quietly.

And with the TV and all the lights still on, I drifted off quickly.

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**Yes! So, thanks for all the reviews!!**

**Hmm ... My heart feels achy cuz yesterday I watched the Outsiders again and Titanic. And they make my heart sting! Those two movies, I swear I could watch them every day and never get bored! But I do feel sad. Well ... I only feel sad cuz they're just TOO darn good!! So yeah! REVIEW!! (grin)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

I woke to hear the door slam carelessly. I sat up straight and realised I had been sprawled across the whole couch. I looked down and saw Johnny on the floor. Guilt flowed through me but was quickly replaced with fear.

"Oh! Good, you came home!" Rick said while eating a donut and leaning against the counter.

At the sound of Rick's voice, Johnny jerked awake and shot up straight. Rick's eyes rounded at the sight of the blinking Johnny.

"You little whore!!" he roared at me furiously, dropping the donut. "Get him out of here!!"

I sprung to my feet but Johnny was quicker. Completely terrified, he basically ran for the door and I tried to follow but Rick grabbed my arm.

"Don't come back!!" he shouted after Johnny.

"No! Let go of me!!" I cried, struggling.

I glanced out the window and saw Johnny had stopped on the lawn. He wasn't going to leave without me! I almost smiled but then I remembered my horrifying pervert uncle had hold of my arm.

"Let go!!"

"Why? So you can go over to his place?"

"NO!!" I screamed and dug my nails into his arm.

He yanked his arms away but shoved me as hard as he could into the table beside the couch. I smashed into it and crashed to the ground, my whole body aching. I knew Johnny was having a heated debate with himself over what he should do. He was too scared and knew he was too small to face Rick but he was also too kind-hearted to leave. But I wanted him to go – I didn't want Rick to seriously hurt him.

I tried to get to my feet but a sharp pain shot through my spine and my legs trembled too fiercely. Then I saw a small black blur bolt in the door and soon Johnny had hold of my wrists and was pulling me to my feet, swinging my arm around his shoulders for support. He then started to help me across the room as fast as we could.

"I told you to never come back!!" Rick bellowed at him, his face turning red with fury.

He ran up to us and ripped me away from Johnny. Johnny cringed, trying to duck out of the way, but Rick didn't miss. He hooked Johnny on the side of the head with his fist, knocking him to the ground.

"NO!" I shouted and bit Rick's arm.

"Ow!" he roared and let go but grabbed me again with his other hand. I pushed on his arms and scratched him repeatedly until he grabbed my wrists and pushed me up against the wall, my wrists pinned on either side of my head, the same way my Dad used to.

"Aw! You're cute when you're scared," he said, smiling creepily.

I spat in his face and his eyes grew huge with anger. Just when he shifted positions, planning what to do to me, Johnny spoke up:

"I have a blade!" he threatened, his voice quiet and shaky.

Rick frowned and turned to look at him. Johnny stood behind Rick, his switchblade pointing at him, as Johnny swayed slightly. His eyes were huge and full of fear and I knew he was terrified enough to actually use it. Obviously Rick saw the frightened sincerity in his eyes too because he let go of me and backed up.

"Easy, kid."

Johnny kept the blade directed at him, held loosely but securely in his hand, as I slipped out the door. He slowly backed to the door then quickly tucked the blade in his back pocket and bolted after me. We didn't stop running until we were closer to the Curtis'.

"Well, that was a mistake going there," I exclaimed, starting to laugh nervously as I sat down on the grass, panting. Johnny settled beside me. I sat cross-legged and he hugged his knees. Getting more hysterical, I lay down on the grass and laughed and laughed and eventually Johnny slowly joined in until we were both rolling around not really knowing why we were laughing. Until we heard shouting:

"SODA!! DARRY!! DARRY!!!"

Johnny and I jolted up straight and looked at each other, laughter completely gone.

"Is that Pony?" Johnny asked quietly, his eyes wide again.

"SODA!!!"

Without another word, we jumped to our feet and ran towards Pony's voice. As we neared we saw Soda, Steve, and Two-Bit bolt past. Once we'd reached them we hid behind some bushes and watched through a gap as the whole gang chased away the socs. Soda, Steve, Two-Bit, and Dally chased their car while Darry came back to check on Pony. That's when Johnny and I crept out. Though Johnny left Pony to Darry and Soda, I could see the worry and caring in his eyes, and it made me want to smile. He tried not to watch when Pony started crying so he stared at Dally instead and shifted on the spot awkwardly. Dally came over and patted Johnny's shoulder.

Pony wiped his face hurriedly. "I didn't know you were out of the cooler yet, Dally," he said, trying to take the attention off himself.

I zoned out as Dally explained why he was out early and sat on the sidewalk by Pony. Johnny sat between us and took the lit cigarette from Dally's outstretched hand. Dally handed me one but I shook my head.

"Don't know why you don't smoke, kid," he said, watching me. "It'd get rid of some of that tension in your life what with your insane uncle."

I blinked at him and shrugged. "I just don't like the smell and taste."

"Don't like the smell, huh? How do ya stand Johnny then? You guys are basically attached at the hip and he's always smokin'!" His voice sort of hinted a kind of jealousy.

Johnny glanced at me, looking guilty, and pressed the butt of his cigarette into the ground.

"No! It's fine," I muttered. I didn't want him to be even more anxious and tense just because I didn't like the smell. "I'm alright. I can handle it."

"Well … I guess I kinda should be cutting down anyways."

I sighed and grew silent and sat in my thoughts for a bit until I heard my name:

Me, Johnny, and River'll come," Pony said to Dally, then looked to Darry, "Okay, Darry?"

"Yeah, since it ain't a school night."

I glanced around confused then leaned in to Johnny. "Where are we goin'?"

"Movies," he said under his breath.

I nodded and sat back, staring up at the clouds.

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**Oh! And as you have now guessed I added River into the story so she will ... be there ... even though she wasn't in the book (or movie) Um yes. REVIEW!!! And I REALLY love Johnny in this chapter. He's so sweet. Especially with the cigarettes. I know - weird- cuz i wrote it but I love him!! Keee!!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Me again! Hmm ... I'm SO addicted now. Well, I always was addicted but now ... I could scream!! I love Johnny SOOOOOOO much! He's so adorable!**

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**Chapter Ten**

It was nine pm and was getting darker. Johnny and I sat on the abandoned car seat, warmed by the fire Johnny had made, and stared at the stars.

"I can stop smoking around you so often," Johnny abruptly said quietly.

"No! Really, I'm fine! I'm kinda just getting used to it all. My dad's not here to smoke around me anymore so maybe I'll stop associating cigarette smoke with getting hit."

He looked at me wide-eyed. "That's what you think of?" He paused, then said softly, "I'm sorry."

Just then I realised how little Johnny and I actually talked. Most of the time we were in our own thoughts or we communicated through our eyes. But secrets don't exactly explain themselves through wordless communication.

I looked over at him. He was staring at a tree and looked so unhappy. I felt horrible.

"Johnny?"

He turned to me, his eyebrows raised.

"How come … when you're with Dally and Pony you look so happy and … like you're on an adventure, but when you're with me you seem … pained and sad?"

He blinked and looked down at the ground. "I admire Dally so much, you know, and Pony's so … innocent almost, y'know, young. But I'm not sad right now. I'm more … calm. Just thinking."

I smiled weakly.

"What about you?"

I frowned. "Huh?"

"Well … you look all … scared and upset when around the gang."

"I do?"

He laughed softly.

"Well … I feel intimidated by Dally and Darry and Steve, and it feels like I'm interfering all the time, like I don't belong. And Soda and Two-Bit treat me like a frail little girl which can get annoying." I grinned. "I wanna be one of the guys!"

"You are!" he exclaimed, smiling. He looked so different when he smiled. It was that rare.

I thought about what he said. I guess he did think of me as part of the guys because I never really saw him talk to girls much. Maybe some girls would be offended of being thought of as a guy but I was proud. It made me happy. But only as far as hanging around guys and talking with them about almost everything guys talk about. Everything but girls and anything to do with girls! That was the good think about Johnny though: he didn't talk like that … at least not around me.

Once we'd both grown silent I realized just how cold it was. Even though we were close to a fire, it was if the fire was made of ice and was just making me colder. I folded my arms tight and my teeth chattered as I shook from head to foot. As it quickly became more and more unbearable, I glanced over at Johnny to see him trembling fiercely too.

"I-It's too cold!" he stammered. "Come on!"

He climbed to his feet and jammed his hands deep into his pockets. I got up too and, my arms still tightly folded, I watched him put out the fire and followed him down the road. We reached his house and stopped outside it. It was quiet but I could see the fear creeping into him.

"Are you sure you wanna …"

He nodded quickly. "I really need to change and I'm so hungry!"

I didn't realise how starving I was too until he mentioned it. We hadn't eaten since the day before.

"You're coming too!"

"But … your parents …"

"They-They're not home right now I think. Dad probably had enough and left for tonight and mom … I dunno. They won't know we're here!" He motioned for me to come but I paused. "Come on! I'm good at hiding."

I groaned and trailed after him into his house. I'd been in it only twice ever, both two years before. The first time I was in and out before his parents came home, and the second time his parents were early and his mom started screaming at him for leaving crumbs on the table.

It was a small and dirty house, pretty much like my old one. There were a few smashed objects just lying on the ground. I thought of how ironic it was that his mom shrieked at him for leaving crumbs on the table when she had just thrown a cheap vase at her husband and left it on the ground where it had shattered.

Silently, Johnny went straight for the fridge and cupboards and started pulling out random food. But suddenly we heard a car pull in. Johnny's eyes grew huge and he swore under his breath. He started shoving all the food into his arms. My heart booming, I grabbed some food too, and we quickly bolted up the steps. Just as I had disappeared up the stairs, the door had opened.

A female voice and a male voice wafted up the stairs. At the top Johnny looked at me horrified.

"That's my mom … but that's not my dad!"

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**Well, now that you've finished reading THIS chapter you should REVIEW and then go watch the Outsiders AGAIN if you own it or it's on tv and if you don't have it go buy it!! Totally worth the money!! But review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**I love Johnny so much it's insane!! ... I obsess too much! haha.**

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**Chapter Eleven**

"What?" I spat. "But …"

"No, he won't be home for a few hours," Johnny's mom was saying.

"Oh, that's just gross!" Johnny muttered and went into his room. I followed and he quietly shut the door.

His room was small, dusty, dirty, and there was nothing but a bed and a tiny junky dresser. The room held a feeling of having been abandoned for some time.

"Not very exciting is it?" he said as he sat cross-legged on the floor, dumping the food in front of him.

"Doesn't have to be," I mumbled, sitting beside him.

Trying desperately hard to ignore his mom's pathetically flirty voice and laughter, we started to eat quickly all the food, which consisted of cheese, bologna, crackers, bruised bananas, and random four year old granola bars. It wasn't the best combination ever but it was edible.

When everything was gone we sat back silently and reluctantly listened to Johnny's mom's fake giggles. He stared at the wall, his face showing his anxiety and disgust. He shifted uncomfortably and with it, a loud creak from the floorboards followed. His mom's cackle immediately stopped. Johnny froze, his breath ragged.

"JOHNNY!!!" she screamed up the stairs.

I stared at the door, waiting for it to slam open in any second. I glanced back at Johnny and saw him trembling with terror. His mom then started swearing at him and threatening him with everything possible until she just groaned, told the unknown man to follow her, and left, slamming the door so hard the walls shook.

"Man, she really must want to … uh …" He turned red and got up, his breathing still shaky. "I mean, I'm surprised she didn't come up here! I … I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Yep."

I leaned against the wall and started thinking about … everything. I knew a lot of what Johnny went through from my own experience, but I'd never seen or heard one of my parents cheat. Man, if I felt awful hearing her, just imagine how Johnny felt. I shook my head, trying to think of something else but it didn't work and about five minutes later Johnny had reappeared in his usual ripped blue jeans and jean jacket but a black t-shirt instead of the grey one Soda had lent him. His hair was still wet but I could tell there was hair oil in it too.

"River, do you think of yourself as a greaser?" he asked quietly, sitting back down.

I smiled weakly. "That's like asking you that question! I … am a greaser I think, but I don't act like one. I also don't really look like a greaser girl either so … I guess I'm just … classified as one … or nothing. I get pretty much ignored anyways so maybe I'm nothing. I don't know! Why? Do you think I'm a greaser?"

He shrugged. "Sure."

I smiled. As it grew completely quiet yet again I felt my eyes starting to droop. Johnny yawned causing me to too and the next thing I knew I was lying on the hard floor and was asleep.

------

The next day I woke up to someone shaking me. I opened my eyes and saw Johnny looking frightened.

"Come on!" he said and grabbed my arm, pulling me to my feet.

I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and heard the angry footsteps coming up the stairs. Suddenly scared, I let Johnny direct me over to the window and climbed out. It was a long drop to the ground but the fear of him mom getting us overpowered my fear of heights and I jumped. I scrambled to my feet and moved out the way. Johnny landed beside me and we both looked up to see his mom stick her head out of the window to shriek and swear at us furiously. Quickly, we turned and ran as fast as we could.

We finally stopped when we'd reached the Curtis' house. Pony was just stepping out the door when we collapsed on his front steps, panting.

"What happened to you guys?"

Johnny shook his head, trying to catch his breath.

"Can you walk?"

We both nodded and unwillingly got up.

"Alright. Let's get goin' then. Dally's waitin'."

It took only a few minutes until we reached the corner of Pickett and Sutton. Dally was leaning against a pole, smoking.

"What's goin' on, Dal?" Johnny asked, now able to breathe.

"We're early."

"Whaddya wanna do?" asked Pony, his hands in his pockets.

"Nothin' legal, man. Let's get outta here."

I trailed slowly behind them feeling invisible. Since the movie didn't start until it was dark we slowly walked over to the Dingo to watch fights and then the DX to bug Soda and Steve. Then we chased some little kids across a field, Dally and Ponyboy shouting after them. I didn't really chase the kids though – I just tried to keep up with Johnny, Ponyboy, and Dally. We spent a few hours doing nothing really which I was good at, and then it was dark and we snuck into the drive-in under a fence. Shivering harshly, we made our way over to the seats.

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**Yes, so ... I'm just starting to follow the storyline of the actual book so ... yeah. But I'm adding River into everything (of course). mm hmm. Hope it's not boring. haha!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Yes, I know, I combined stuff from the movie and the book and stuff I made up. I like the next chapter a lot more so bare with me. This one doesn't have that much different stuff in it. But the next one's better!**

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**Chapter Twelve**

The only people in the seats were two girls down front. Dally led us down the aisle and sat right behind them.

"I'm freezing, man!" Ponyboy groaned, rubbing his arms.

"Why didn't you bring a coat, stupid?" Dally spat, trying to light a cigarette.

"I forgot."

Dally finally got it lit and leaned back in his seat coolly. "Some cute redhead, huh?" he said to Pony who didn't say anything. Dally grinned and bent forwards to put his mouth close to the redhead's ear. "Are you a real redhead? Huh?"

I was starting to feel revolted. Johnny fidgeted in his seat.

"Come on, Dal," he said quietly.

Dally either didn't or pretended not to hear him. "Are you real? How can I find out if this is your … your real red hair?"

"Aw, cut it out, Dal." Johnny was sitting straighter in his seat, nervous.

"If this is the same red hair that you have on your … your … this eyebrow?" He leaned back again and put his feet up on her chair.

"Cut it out Dal, huh!" Johnny moaned.

Pony looked over at him kind of surprised. Johnny didn't just tell Dally to do stuff. He admired Dally! But I was glad he was saying something.

The redhead whipped around heatedly. "Get your feet off my chair and shut your trap!!" she snapped.

"Who's gonna make me huh?"

Johnny glanced over at me and saw that I was just as creeped out as him. He turned back to Dally and Pony and stood up. "We're going to get a Coke!"

Dally still didn't hear him. "Your boyfriend?"

"Leave her alone, Dal," said Pony.

I got up and tagged along behind Johnny.

"Get me one, Johnny!" Pony said as we shuffled past him and Dally.

Johnny and I slowly wandered up to the concession and got in the long line-up. We didn't say anything which wasn't very surprising.

"Three Cokes," Johnny ordered softly and the girl behind the counter nodded.

I reached in my pocket and pulled out a few coins which I shoved into Johnny's hand.

"Huh?" he asked, looking at it.

"What? For my Coke."

"You don't have to."

I narrowed my eyes. "Yes, I do." I smiled.

He shrugged and put it on the counter. The girl set the three Cokes in front of us and Johnny pushed all the money to her. He grabbed two of the Cokes, I grabbed one, and we slowly walked back down the aisle. Dally was gone, and Cherry and Marcia were turned around in their seats, talking to Ponyboy.

"He works in a gasoline station right? A DX, I think?" Cherry was saying.

"Yeah, that's him." Pony scooted back, letting Johnny and me through. Johnny handed him his Coke.

"Soda's the cute one," Marcia said, grinning.

Cherry smiled. "He's a doll. Shoulda known you's brothers."

Johnny turned to me. "Wonder where Dal went."

I nodded. "Probably'll be back."

"Definitely!"

"I just hope he doesn't continue that dirty talk!"

His eyes wandered around all the seats but I knew he was listening and he agreed. Some girl screamed behind us followed by laughs and Johnny twitched harshly. Just then, sure enough, Dally appeared with three Cokes. He handed one to Marcia, sat down beside Cherry, and gave her one.

"Here, I thought this might cool you off."

She stared at him incredulously, pulled out the straw, and dumped it all on him. "Maybe that'll cool you off greaser!! When you learn to talk and act decent I might cool off too!!"

Dally wiped his hand down his face and looked at her, his eyes blazing. Then he smiled and tried to get an arm around her. "Fiery huh? Just the way I like 'em!"

Cherry struggled with him. "Get – offa me!"

I noticed Johnny getting jumpy and saw him watching them horrified. Soon he couldn't take it anymore and stood up. "Look, leave her alone, Dal!"

Dally stopped and stared at him, his mouth open. "What'd you say?"

I could tell Johnny regretted it immediately. "Come on, you heard me. Leave her alone."

Dally looked at Cherry then back at Johnny. "What'd you say, you little shit? What'd you say to me?!"

"Come on," Johnny whispered.

"Wise-ass!" Dally spat and got up. Glaring furiously, he turned and stalked off.

Johnny sat back down and sighed in relief. I grinned at him gratefully and a hint of a smile appeared on his face before he turned back to the movie.

Cherry turned around in her seat again. "Thank you. He had me scared to death."

Johnny looked over at her. "Sure didn't show it. Ain't nobody talk to Dal like that."

"From what I saw you do!"

He looked a little uneasy, if not guilty. I noticed Cherry eyeing me up too. I didn't look like the other greaser girls and I sure didn't look like a soc or even middle class. I felt extremely self-conscious under her criticizing gaze.

"Why don't y'all come sit up here with us," said Marcia sweetly. "You can protect us."

Johnny looked from me to Pony.

"Might as well," Ponyboy said, starting to beam.

I knew he thought this was going to be a great story to tell the gang. We all got up and climbed over the seats. Ponyboy sat by Cherry, Johnny beside Marcia, and me beside Johnny. I felt so filthy and … greasy, and worthless sitting in the same row as two clean 'nice' soc girls.

"How old are y'all?" asked Marcia, looking around at all of us.

"Fourteen," said Pony.

"Sixteen," Johnny muttered.

"Sixteen," I said under my breath. She didn't care how old I was. It was Johnny and Ponyboy: the nice innocent greaser guys she cared about.

"Huh! I thought you were all f-…"

"Sixteen," Cherry interrupted, smiling at Pony.

Yeah, I knew I looked fourteen. I got told that quite frequently. That was yet another reason Johnny and I got along so well: we both looked younger than we actually were.

"How come y'aren't scared of us like you was Dally?" Johnny asked.

Cherry smiled. "Y'all are too sweet to scare anyone."

Pony said something back but I zoned out and watched the movie.

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**Like I said, the next one's better. So yeah, I won't be able to update until ... the 25th or 26th cuz I'll be at camp. So yes. I have not ditched this!!**


	13. Chapter 13

Yes! Well, camp was amazing ... of course. Er ... Yep, now I hope you like this chapter. It's better near the ... middle I think. 'Kay!

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Chapter Thirteen

About ten minutes later, Johnny jumped a little in his seat as a deep voice said, "Okay greasers, you've had it."

A soc! Great! It was probably Cherry and Marcia's boyfriends come to beat Pony and Johnny up! Slowly I turned around just to see Two-Bit grinning wildly.

"Glory, Two-Bit, scare us to death!" Pony snapped.

Johnny's eyes were clamped shut and he was trembling, but he managed a weak, "H-Hey, Two-Bit."

Two-Bit noticed Johnny's white face and ruffled his hair. "Sorry, kid. I forgot. We-ell! Whadda we got here?!" he exclaimed, staring at Cherry and Marcia.

As they started to flirt, I turned back to the movie and played with my straw.

I came back to reality when Cherry stood up. "Ponyboy, come with me to get some Cokes and popcorn?"

"Sure. Y'all want some?"

"I do," Marcia said.

"Yeah, me too. Get Johnny and River some too. I'm buyin'," Two-Bit added, flicking Pony some money.

"Thank you," I told him quietly.

He grinned. "Hey, no sweat!" He then turned to Marcia and started wise-cracking again.

"Told ya you're part of the gang," Johnny muttered, staring at the screen.

I smiled and continued watching it.

After the movie we started to walk over to Two-Bit's house to pick up his car and drive Cherry and Marcia home. It was insanely cold out and I couldn't stop shivering for the life of me. Cherry and Ponyboy walked in the front, then Two-Bit and Marcia, and then Johnny and me. Soon we'd stopped to lean against the fence and light cigarettes.

"Tell me about Darry," Cherry was saying. "Is he wild and reckless like Soda … or dreamy like you?"

Ponyboy shrugged. "He ain't like Soda and he sure ain't like me! He can't stand me! I bet he wishes he could stick me in some boy's home or some'in' but Soda won't let him."

Two-Bit stared at him, his eyebrows furrowed. "What're you talkin' about, Ponyboy?"

"Come on Ponyboy, y'all get along fine now," Johnny said, his hands shoved in his jean jacket pockets.

"No, we don't!" Pony snapped, his ears getting red. "And you can just shut your trap Johnnycake 'cause you ain't wanted at home either!"

Johnny winced and my mouth dropped open. That was a low blow!

Two-Bit cuffed him hard. "You shut your mouth, kid!"

Pony looked guilty. "I'm sorry. I just got a little mad."

Johnny shrugged sweetly. "Aw, that's alright. Don't worry about it."

"We couldn't get along without you so just hush up!" Two-Bit told Johnny, ruffling his hair again.

"Marcia!!" Cherry suddenly cried.

We all turned around to see a blue Mustang trailing us. Fear overtook my whole body again and I froze, terrified.

"Oh, look who's comin'! What're we gonna do?" Marcia asked Cherry as it stopped and the doors opened.

"Just act normal."

"Who're these clowns?" said Two-Bit.

"CHERRY!!" the soc with rings shouted. "What's goin' on?! What're you doing?! Just because we got a little drunk …"

I squinted, frightened, and noticed Johnny trying to hide his face and glancing at the soc's rings anxiously.

I moved closer. "What?"

He blinked a few times, breathing roughly, his eyes flitting everywhere. "Tha … That's the soc …" He touched his scar.

My eyes widened and I became even more scared if possible.

"Who you calling bums, pal?!" Two-Bit yelled at the curly-haired soc.

"YOU! Listen, we got two more o' us in the backseat!"

Two-Bit whipped around, smashed a bottle on a pole, flung it to Pony, and flipped out his blade. "Pity the backseat!"

My stomach turned and I covered my ears which didn't really help, trying to calm down. Fighting! I couldn't take it! Arguing! It was all driving me insane!

"Why?! We aren't scared of these bastards?!" Two-Bit was shouting.

"I hate fights alright?! I hate 'em!!" Cherry spat, walking over to Pony. She pulled him aside and started talking to him.

"Cherry!! Come on!!" the ringed soc roared.

I glared at him. I didn't know what Cherry saw in him. He was a jealous rich snothead drunk in my eyes who thought it fun to gang up four huge socs against one small greaser and nearly kill him, instead making him even more of a nervous wreck! But Cherry and Marcia climbed in the car.

"Just watch it, greaseball!" the curly-haired soc spat as they drove away.

"Says who?!" Two-Bit snapped. "Boy, those are two of the best lookin' girls I've ever seen!" he exclaimed a few minutes later as we continued on our way down the street.

"Yeah!" Pony agreed.

I averted my eyes to ground, feeling awkward. Two-Bit stuffed a ripped-off piece of paper in his house and spat it out on the ground.

"What was that?" asked Pony as he watched it land in a tuft of grass.

"Marcia's number. Probably a phony one, too. I must have been outa my mind to ask for it. A girl like that'd never go out with me anyway. Where y'all goin'?"

We were nearing Johnny's house. I ignored their answers, instead listening to Johnny's parents' screams. A strange feeling of familiarity absorbed into me. I would never hear my parents fight again in my entire existence. I'd never feel that purpose of my life to protect my precious siblings again. I'd never get to sleep between Jen and Sam, gripping onto them protectively, giving each other the warmth for the night, and the strength to face another day ever again! My throat clogged up as Two-Bit ran off.

I was still thinking about it all when we ended up at the ripped-out carseat and Johnny had made a fire. Sam was only five! She never even had a chance at life! Everything my parents did always hit me triple hard because I took Jen and Sam's blows for them and it was all for nothing! My father destroyed my whole life!

I squeezed my eyes shut but the tears still forced their way out and streamed down my face. I wiped them all away quickly but I had already started trembling with uncontrollable sobs.

"What's the matter?" Johnny asked softly.

"Why am I the only one that lived?!" I cried, my heart burning. "Why didn't he kill me instead of Jen and Sam?! Why didn't I stay with them? I should've protected them!"

"No. You couldn't have known he'd kill them all," Johnny assured me quietly. "And besides, what if he did kill you and not Jen and Sam, do you think their lives would be any good right now?!"

I wiped my face and inhaled deeply. Slowly starting to calm down a bit, I noticed Johnny's face becoming twisted with his own inner torture. He was thinking of his life, his family, my life, Ponyboy's life, all the gang's lives. He was more sensitive that the rest of the gang. He felt things different and saw things different and he didn't know how to release all the horror he saw and felt.

"I – can't – take – much more of this, y'guys! I'll … I'll … I'll kill myself or something, I dunno!" Johnny moaned, leaning over to put his head in his hands.

"Don't talk like that, Johnny! Come on, you can't kill yourself," Pony said, sitting back close to him.

"No, Johnny!!" I muttered, choking on my tears. "You can't! I don't need …" I gave up and covered my own face.

"I gotta do something'! I mean, it's not fair what happened to your family, River! Stuff like that shouldn't happen! And … all this 'greaser', 'soc' crap!" Breathing deeply, he sat back in the seat. "It seems like there's got to be some place without greasers or socs. Must be some place. Just plain ordinary people. People!"

"It's like that out in the country," Pony mumbled under his breath. "Away from the big towns."

He drifted off, murmuring something about the country. It was like a miniature children's story and I was completely passed out a few seconds later.

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**Hope you liked it! Yes. REVIEW!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!! please don't slack :)**


	14. Chapter 14

I will never stop obsessing over Johnny Cade or Ralph Macchio. ... kee!! Yes! Loser me! Anyhoo ... Hope you like this chapter!! Future chapters are ... maybe better? I can't remember. Anyways ...

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Chapter Fourteen

I opened my eyes slowly, confused with what I heard:

"What time is it?"

"I dunno. I went to sleep too. You better get home alright? We're gonna stay all night out here. Who'll care anyway?"

My vision cleared and I saw Pony crouched low and Johnny lying back down.

"Alright. If y'all get cold c'mon to my house," Pony said as he slowly backed up.

"Yeah, alright."

Pony stood up. "What is Darry gonna say?"

"Wha's goin' on?" I asked quietly as Pony disappeared.

"We fell asleep and lost track of time. Darry's gonna be furious!"

"Mm …" I mumbled, rubbing my arms for warmth. "Hope he don't get in too much trouble."

"Yeah," Johnny slurred and fell asleep.

Growing colder, I shivered insanely. I found it hard to go back to sleep but ten minutes later I had finally drifted off. Just to be awoken not long after by someone tripping over my leg and falling on Johnny. My heart skipped a beat as I scrambled to my feet.

"Wha-?" Johnny exclaimed tensely.

"C'mon! We're running away!" Pony's voice stated, troubled.

Then we were running as fast as we could as far as we could. I felt frozen and hungry and sick, and running did not help much. I almost puked when we'd eventually stopped.

"Take it easy, Pony. It'll be alright, man. Just cool it, man," Johnny was telling him softly.

"Got a cigarette, Johnny? I'm scared to death!"

"Well, don't be, man, you're scarin' me! What happened?"

It all had happened too fast and I was getting mixed up. Besides, I was still half-asleep. I didn't really understand what was going on. I didn't know where we were, why we ran, anything!

"Darry hit me!"

That I understood! I looked at him, startled. I never thought Darry would do a thing like that.

"I swear we used to get along just find until mom and dad died! Now he can't stand me!" Pony couldn't stand still.

"I think I like it better when the ol' man's hittin' me! At least then I know he knows who I am …" It affected Johnny greatly how his parents couldn't care less about him. He desperately wanted them to love him. That's where he and I differed: I couldn't have cared less about my parents loving me. "I walk in that house and nobody says anything. I walk out and nobody says anything. I stay away all night and nobody notices." He sighed and nudged a rock with his foot.

"Naw, Johnny. That's not true … C'mon. Let's go to the park and back. Maybe I'll be cooled off enough to go home," Pony suggested.

"Yeah, alright."

Still partially confused, I followed them quietly, trying to make sense of everything. Pony was rubbing his hands up and down his arms continuously, and Johnny was staring at the ground as we walked, his hands deep in his jeans jacket pockets like usual, and hunched over. My teeth chattered noisily as I trembled fiercely from head to foot.

I had always envied Ponyboy immensely for the way he and his brothers got along and how they had so many amazing memories of their parents while I was stuck with a sick feeling whenever I thought of what mine did to me and my siblings. But just tonight I was slowly realising no family was perfect. Some might hide all the mess-ups and imperfections away from sight and appear to be completely perfect, but they aren't. Sometimes people lose control of themselves, sometimes people grew sick of others, and more. The Curtis brothers were entirely human and I should have known that some day everyone else (especially me) would come to see that.

Soon we'd reached the deserted park. I guess I felt safe in that park. I didn't really know why though since it was completely open and anyone could appear at any time. I hugged myself tightly shivering harshly.

"Aren't you guys about to freeze to death?" Johnny asked, flipping up his jacket collar.

"You ain't a-whoofin'," replied Pony.

My only answer was the chatter of my teeth.

I quietly followed them across the grass to the monkey bars. With difficulty, I climbed onto them and groaned, rubbing my hands together. Then I noticed the Mustang turn and start coming towards us.

"Uh oh! Look what's coming. This is our territory!" Pony snapped.

Confused, we all watched as it parked in front of us.

"Bet they're looking for us. Wanna split?" asked Johnny softly.

"Stay cool," murmured Pony just as the four socs stumbled out of the car.

"Well, well, well! Whaddya guys know?" slurred Bob. He couldn't stand straight and he held some booze.

"They're drunk!" Pony exclaimed.

Now fully awake with fear, I glanced at Johnny and saw him looking terrified and anxious.

"It's that guy with the rings!"

I drew in a quivering breath and turned my gaze back to them.

"Aren't these the greasers who uh … tried to pick up on our women?"

Though I was scared out of my mind, I couldn't help but think: I never tried to pick their women up!

"Hey, you're outta your territory now! Y-You guys better watch it!" Johnny tried to threaten.

"No, pal! You better watch it!" Randy said sharply.

Johnny shifted his eyes, then for some reason Pony and he slid from the bars. I jumped down behind them. I hated alcohol with a passion! Drunk people terrified me and these socs were probably as drunk as they could possibly get before passing out.

"Y'guys know what greasers are?" asked Bob as he wobbled on his feet. "White trash with long greasy hair!" He then dumped some of his booze on Pony.

That was one of the lowest things a soc could tell a greaser! I could tell Pony and Johnny wanted some serious revenge while I wanted so desperately to just run away!

"Y-You know what a soc is?" Pony retorted nervously.

"What?!" Bob snapped menacingly.

"White trash with Mustangs and madras!" He faltered for a second then spat at them.

The socs eyes rounded.

"GET THEM!!" Bob roared and all four socs bolted at us.

My heart fell to my stomach and without even thinking, I found myself racing after Johnny and Ponyboy. The next thing I knew one of the socs had flattened me to the ground. I grabbed my head and the soc got off me. I curled up in a tight ball as he kicked me, laughing hysterically. Tears squeezing out of the corners of my tightly clenched shut eyes, he threatened me incomprehensibly and, laughing, turned and left. Too scared to move, I opened my eyes and saw all four socs huddled by the fountain, yelling. There was splashing and as I glanced around the park and saw Johnny on the ground I realised Pony was the one in the fountain.

"Somebody got a drink for this greaser huh?" Bob asked his socs. You could hear the huge grin on his face through his voice. "Gimme that! Drink this, pal!"

I uncurled and tried to push myself to sit up straight but my arms felt so weak with horror. _What do I do?!_ I screamed in my head. _What do I do?! What's happening?!_ My vision blurred with tears and my head boomed.

Then suddenly I watched as the blur of Johnny got up shakily, his arm behind his back. Pony's shouts abruptly stopped and my breath left my lungs. _Why isn't he-? What's going on?_ Puzzled, I got to my feet too and followed Johnny slowly. I saw his arm go up gradually, quivering, and as I realised what he was about to do, I cried out and covered my face.

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**REVIEW!!!!!! **

**I'm gonna go eat kraft dinner! YUM!!! And obsess over: The Beatles, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and Relient K!! YAYY!!**


	15. Chapter 15

Me again! School in two days!!! Not excited one bit!!

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Chapter Fifteen

I dropped to my knees, my hands rubbing my face, and bawled fiercely. I didn't watch as I heard the cry of horror and shouts and yells and the footsteps as the socs bolted.

"No!" Johnny choked out.

My face and hands dripping with tears, I pulled my hands away to see Johnny slide down the side of the fountain and hug his knees, rocking back and forth. Ponyboy was lying beside him, breathing but barely conscious.

"Johnny … Johnny," I whined quietly, crawling over to him. "What'd you do?!" I ripped my eyes off Bob's body surrounded by a huge pool of his blood and watched Johnny stare at his darkened switchblade, tears streaming down his face. "Johnny." I felt so disgusted and afraid. Blood scared me and blood was everywhere! I clenched my eyes shut tight and started whimpering to myself.

"I killed him. I killed that boy," Johnny muttered softly then lowered his voice to a whisper as if he didn't believe his own words, "I killed him."

"Johnny," said Pony, sniffing, "I think I'm gonna be sick."

"G-Go ahead, man. I ain't – I ain't gonna look atcha."

I watched Pony get to his feet feebly and wobble over to some playground ride-thing and start vomiting. I could barely breathe and I couldn't grasp the fact that the sweet 'innocent' Johnny had actually killed a soc. And with a blade!! I personally thought that stabbing was the most sickening way to kill anyone.

"You alright?" Johnny asked Pony as he got up.

"You really did kill him, huh Johnny," Pony murmured, leaning against the ride-thing.

Johnny knelt down and started wiping his blade on the grass while I chanted to myself under my breath, "It's okay. It's alright. It was self-defence …"

"Yeah … I had to! They were drowning you, Pony! They might've killed you! They were gonna beat me and River up." He seemed to be begging for someone's approval.

"What happened to the other guys?"

"Huh? … They-They all ran. They all ran off when I stabbed him …"

Stabbed! Killed! Johnny murdered someone! Someone's life was gone! Like my family! When they find out, someone was going to feel just how I felt and they would hate Johnny just as much as I hated my father! I couldn't take it!!

"Ergh!" I groaned.

The pain cut deep into my heart and I started hyperventilating. My breath was coming in short quick gasps and I couldn't get enough oxygen.

"River?"

I didn't open my eyes but I heard Johnny sit beside me.

"What're we gonna do?" I asked, my voice breaking.

He was silent for a few seconds then said, "Let's go see Dally. He'll know what to do."

Not really caring where we went but just happy that we were leaving the body, I got to my feet unstably and slowly followed. I didn't think of anything as we walked, I just tried to get the picture of Bob's body out of my head. It wasn't that easy! I was getting frustrated with how much I was crying but every time I wiped my face and stopped, a huge ball would form in my throat and I'd burst out with even more tears than before so eventually I just gave up and let the bawling come.

It only took a few minutes to reach Buck's house where we knew Dally was staying. I stood as far back from the door as I could while Johnny knocked on it. The door opened to reveal Buck holding a beer and some red lights and creepy music and giggles.

"Whadda you boys want?!" he snapped.

"Dally! We-We gotta see Dally!" Johnny gasped, looking around everywhere nervously.

Buck looked all of us up and down. "He's busy."

Johnny's eyes widened. "Just tell him it's Ponyboy, River, and Johnny, man! He'll come!" He waited but Buck didn't move, glaring at us. "Come on!"

Without saying anything, he just shut the door. Pony and I glanced at each other confused while Johnny went to the window. I didn't want to see what was going on in there. Abruptly the door opened again.

"Whaddya guys want?" Dally asked, wearing only his jeans.

"Johnny killed a soc!" Pony exclaimed, on the verge of tears again.

Johnny stared at the ground.

"What?!" Dally asked, completely surprised. "Alright, good for you! Let's go."

"Well, I figured you could get us out if anyone could, Dal. I-I'm sorry I got you away from this party and all but I-I just don't know what to do, man!"

"I was just uh … I was just trying to get some sleep … I got in a fight with uh … Shephard tonight. Wait a minute, let me see what I can do about this mess – get in! Ponyboy, are you wet?"

"Nah, I'm okay."

We squeezed past Dally in the door into the packed room as he examined all of us.

"Man, River, you look like you're gonna die of a heart attack."

I didn't say anything, just let him pass and followed them all up the stairs into a bedroom.

"Come on. Hey, stupid, take the sweatshirt off will ya? Man, you're gonna freeze to death," Dally spat at Ponyboy. He started rummaging in some drawers and pulled out a gun and loaded it. My breath stopped for a second when I saw it. We don't need to kill another person!! "Here. Don't point the thing at me will ya -it's loaded. Come on," he said as he gave it to Johnny. Dally glanced at me and frowned. "I never knew you could have that much water in you."

"I can't help it," I mumbled, wiping my face with my sleeves.

"Here you go. It's fifty bucks." He handed Johnny some bills. "Look, I'm not itching to be the one to tell your big brother about this and getting my head kicked in, man."

"Then don't tell him!" Pony snapped.

Dally sat beside Pony on the bed and handed him a shirt. "Here. It's Buck's. It's a little big on you but it's dry … C'mere." He reached up, grabbing Johnny's collar, and pulled him down to his level. I moved closer and knelt down too. "Get the 315 train to Windrixville …" I zoned out, instead watching Johnny and Ponyboy twitch and look so entirely drained. I wanted to just curl up on the floor and sleep all the pain and fear away … If only it worked that way. This one night felt like a whole week and about as much stuff had happened. "Hey, relax, buddy. Come on, man!" Dally patted Pony on the shoulder. "Alright! Man, I thought New York was the only place I'd end up in a murder wrap!"

MURDER!! My eyes watered again and I hid my face.

"Y'guys better get going!" Dally blurted, jumping to his feet suddenly.

-------

We neared the train. I already felt like such an outlaw. As quietly as we could, we raced up to it and climbed in, hiding in the shadows. We waited silently for about ten minutes until all the workers checking the carts had left and the train had started on its way.

Pony immediately feel asleep and I couldn't help wondering how he could sleep at a time like this. Shivering, I leaned against the wall and sighed heavily, hugging my knees tightly. I sniffed, dried tears plastered on my cheeks, chin, and neck. Johnny stared at the gun, turning it at all angles.

"W-Why'd he give you a gun?" I asked quietly. "You … You aren't gonna … shoot anyone are you?"

"No," he said under his breath, "I can't."

I nodded and squeezed my knees tensely.

"I'm sorry," he whispered after a few minutes.

I closed my eyes. "It's okay. They would've drowned Ponyboy and who knows what they might've done to us."

"But I didn't haveta … kill him."

"If you'd've just … pulled them away or whatever, it's not like they'd've left. They'd just have knocked you out or something and continued with Pony."

He looked at the roof and shrugged. I rested my head on my knees and waited for approximately an hour before sleep overtook me.

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**Hope I have enough time what with school now starting to write as much as usual. I HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH!!! oh well ... only two years left. After this year and the next year I AM FREE ... from high school that is. Stupid school. I mean, they always say live out your childhood cuz you can never get it back again yet they destroy your childhood with all this school and homework and stress and chores and trying to make you "grow up". makes no sense to me really. -shrug-**


	16. Chapter 16

Hmm ... Only one person reviewed last chapter. I sure hope more of you guys do this chapter.

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Chapter Sixteen

"River!"

I groaned.

"Come on, River!"

Grudgingly, I opened my eyes and tried to move but I was in the same position as when I fell asleep and was unbelievably stiff. Johnny grabbed my arm, pulled me to my feet painfully, and yanked me out of the moving cart.

"Ugh!" I moaned as I hit the hard ground.

I laid there for a little bit while Ponyboy and Johnny climbed to their feet. I gripped a handful of grass and sighed into the ground as all the memories of the night before came flooding back into my head.

"You okay, River?" Johnny asked calmly, kneeling beside me.

"Mm hmm."

I slowly got up and followed behind them closely. It was early morning and the sun was too bright for my eyes. I'd never been in the country before and it was amazingly beautiful and peaceful. I never wanted to go back home.

"Where do we go?" I asked quietly, looking around.

Johnny shrugged and we all stopped walking. Some farmers were resting by a tractor in the middle of a field.

"Well?" Johnny asked Ponyboy.

"Well what?"

"Go 'n' ask 'em! Ask 'em where we are. The story won't be in the paper yet."

"Why don't you ask them?"

"My ankle's hurting' and I don't wanna walk on it."

"What am I gonna say?"

"Just act like a farm-boy taking a walk or somethin'. They'll never know."

"Do I look like a farm-boy to you?" Pony spat, turning to glance at me. "Why doesn't River go?"

Johnny looked at me too. "Does she look even a little farm-ish to you?! Just ask 'em …" He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with Dally's instructions. "Ask 'em where uh … where Jay Mountain is. Don't worry about it."

"They're gonna know who I am as soon as they look at me!"

"They're not gonna know! C'mon."

Pony rolled his eyes but gave up and started towards the guys. Johnny and I watched from afar as Ponyboy walked over to them, trying to get rid of his slouchy greaser walk and look shy and innocent. As Pony looked like he got the answer, Johnny and I joined him.

"Taking a walk?" the old guy asked, still chewing on some sandwich in his mouth.

"Yeah … We're playing army and we're supposed to report to headquarters."

"Boys will be boys!"

I stifled an eruption of laughter until we were out of earshot, then I burst out laughing hysterically. "Army?!" I exclaimed, having to bend over for air.

Pony shrugged and Johnny grinned.

"Check it out, man!" Johnny stated when we'd reached the church.

It was old and falling apart and completely boarded up but it looked really cool. We walked up to it and started ripping boards off the boarded up windows. Then we climbed through. The inside had clearly been vandalised before: everything was kicked over or smashed or graffitied. An owl hooted somewhere in the rafters.

"What was that?" Johnny asked nervously.

"Just an owl," Pony reassured him.

Johnny sat on one of the benches and took off his jacket and gun before lying down, Pony lay down right beside him on the floor, and I lay down on an another bench. I sighed and closed my eyes. I wasn't tired but I wanted to ignore reality at the moment and live in my dream world.

"Johnny?" Pony asked quietly.

"Huh?"

"You alright?"

Johnny didn't answer. The only sound was his slow breathing and I wished I could fall asleep that fast.

"Man, this floor sure is hard," Pony muttered as he shifted around, trying to find a comfortable position.

I groaned and turned onto my side, hugging myself, wide awake.

------

_I leave the school slowly, all alone, and just like every day, I walk over to Jen and Sam's school and pick them up. Jen gripping my left hand and Sam my right, we head down the quiet dirt road, Jen and Sam telling me the stories of their day. Cautiously, we creep up the front steps of our house. Releasing their hands, I reach out and silently twist the doorknob. Nudging the door open an inch at a time, we step in as quiet as we can._

"_Get me my booze, you lazy cow!!" mother snaps from the couch._

_I sigh. Mission failed! I push Jen and Sam up the stairs and go to the cupboard, open it, and discover only empty bottles._

"_There is none," I mumble._

"_Then go GET SOME!!"_

"_I can't. I'm too young."_

"_GET OVER HERE!!" she shrieks, standing up and glaring at me with her loathing eyes._

_My stomach burns with fear as I step over to her and flinch. I was right! She reaches out her thin bony hand and slaps me as hard as she can across my face._

"_DON'T GET SNIPPY WITH ME, YOU SLUT!!!"_

_I grab my face and back away from her, anger, self-pity, and fear boiling up inside of me._

"_GO GET IT!!" she screams in my face._

_I glare at her with all the hatred my whole heart knows and basically run out the door … but I had no impulse of going to the liquor store. I go around back, climb up the tree, and crawl through my window to find Jen and Sam huddled together on the floor. I join them and just hug them. That's all I ever want to do. I always long for comfort and that's the only comfort I know. I know it will take a few hours but mom will eventually forget what she'd asked me to do and by then Cal and Mary will be home and will sneak up food for us._

"_River?" Sam asks innocently, staring up at me with her big black eyes. "Are all mommies and daddies like mommy and daddy?"_

_I frown at her. "What do you mean?"_

"_Do they always smell funny and fall asleep on the ground and yell and hit their kids?"_

_I squint, feeling horrible. I tried to hide all that stuff from her. She's only five – she doesn't need to see her parents doing acid and weed, passing out, yelling, and hitting us. No child needs to see that. No child __**deserves**__ to see that!_

"_No, Sammy. In two years it'll be totally different. There won't be anymore mommy and daddy. There won't be anymore funny smells and getting hit. It'll just be us and we'll be happy," I said softly, squeezing her tighter._

_She blinked at me sweetly, then nodded._

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**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!! Listening to Evanescence right now. I want pumpkin pie and cheese popcorn. If you want to read an amazing story, read Transient Shadow's Iwagakure's Unexpected. Especially if you like Deidara from Naruto. Or anything to do with Akatsuki. Written insanely well!!!**


	17. Chapter 17

**anyhoo ... thanks for reading ... if you're reading this ... which of course you'd have to be reading this if you're reading this ... (?) okay then ... hope you like ... **

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**Chapter Seventeen**

I sat up, aching, and glanced around, confused. Remembering where I was, I rubbed my face and sighed. I shook my head, trying to forget my dream and trying to keep back the tears and grief. I missed Sam and Jen so much and thanks to my father, my plan for my life had been destroyed. Now, my life was worthless. Groaning to myself, I got to my feet and stepped outside of the back of the church. The air still smelled like morning and the sun seemed so … young and new in the sky. Eventually finding some inner peace, I stood there for about an hour until someone appeared beside me.

"River? You alright?" asked Johnny quietly.

"Yeah – Yeah, I'm fine."

"Do you wanna come with me to get some food? Better do it while it's still early."

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay. I couldn't wake Pony so I left him a little … message." He smiled slightly. "Come on."

Slowly, we walked down to the little corner store we had noticed on the way to the church.

"What should we get?" Johnny asked, looking around with his hands shoved in his pockets.

I shrugged.

"Okay then."

He then grabbed a basket and headed over to the aisles. Walking through them, he started grabbing some bread, peanut butter, a deck of cards, and cigarettes. He stopped in front of a shelf of random stuff. His facial expression never changed at all as he grabbed some peroxide and soap. I frowned.

"Peroxide?"

He looked over at me. "Pony's going to hate me."

I smiled. "Wait! Soap?"

He pushed his eyebrows together. "Why not?"

"It's just that … It's smart but I'd have never thought of it. You're a smart one, Johnny!"

He shifted his eyes back to the shelf but I could tell he was happy. Soon we'd moved on to another aisle.

"Hey!" He grabbed a book off a rack. "It's _Gone With The Wind_!" He grinned at me. "It'll help pass the time, that's for sure. And maybe Pony'll forgive me."

"Get it!"

"Okay! Yeah, I think we got enough for now." Shoving the book in the basket, he headed over to the counter.

I liked shopping with Johnny. He saw a lot of things differently than me so he thought of a lot of stuff I'd never think of. I liked seeing what he'd think of next. Also, I never had to worry about him slipping something into his pocket and getting chased after by either security or the owner of the store.

After he'd paid, we started out the door and back to the church. When we'd reached it, I heard a rustling, and soon enough Ponyboy swung open the door and scrambled out, tripping over his feet in all his excitement. He just propped himself up on his elbows and grinned crazily.

"Hey, Johnny, River. Fancy meetin' you two here."

Johnny smiled. "I swear, Ponyboy, you're gettin' to act more like Two-Bit every day."

Ponyboy jumped to his feet and tried to raise one eyebrow like Two-Bit. "Who's acting?"

"Come on inside. Dally told us to stay inside."

I was so happy with how drastically the atmosphere had changed over night. According to me, we were no longer a murderer and two accomplices running from the cops, we were three teenagers on an adventure. Feeling loads better and happier, I followed Johnny and Ponyboy inside. Johnny put the bag on a bench and started pulling stuff out to show Pony.

"Well, we got a loaf of bread, a week's supply of bologna here, peanut butter …"

Pony pulled out the book and stared at it. "_Gone With The Wind_?"

"Thought maybe you could read it out loud. Help kill time or somethin'," Johnny told him softly.

Pony looked at him and grinned widely. "Thanks a lot, Johnny!"

Johnny shrugged. "… cigarettes …"

Pony shoved his hand in the bag and helped him as I stood back and watched. I wanted to see his expression.

"… deck of cards … Peroxide?" He stared at the bottle, his eyebrows furrowed together. Then, as it hit him, his eyes widened. "You – You ain't thinking …"

I stifled a laugh as Johnny sighed. "We're gonna cut our hair, Ponyboy, and bleach yours and River's …"

"No! No!"

"They'll have our descriptions in the papers and we can't fit 'em, man," Johnny pleaded.

"No! No, sir! You ain't gonna touch my hair!"

"Look, we'll have to anyway if we get caught. You know the first thing the judge does is make you get a haircut."

Ponyboy shrugged. "I don't see why."

"I'm gonna cut mine too, Pony, and wash the grease out, but I can't bleach it. I'm too dark-skinned to look okay blonde. And River's cutting and bleaching hers too. Aw come on, Ponyboy. It'll grow back."

Pony groaned. "Go ahead. Get it over with."

Johnny flicked his switchblade open and moved behind Pony. He grabbed a chunk of his hair and started sawing at it.

"Ow!" Pony moaned, wincing.

"Sorry, man."

"Ow!"

"Dang knife!"

"Don't pull so hard!"

"Quit gabbing!"

Once Pony's hair was considerably shorter, Johnny tucked away his blade.

"Can I see now?" Pony seriously sounded like a little whiny ten year old. I laughed and he narrowed his eyes at me jokingly.

"No, Pony, we gotta bleach it first," Johnny replied, grabbing the peroxide.

Fifteen minutes later I sat beside Pony outside as Johnny reappeared from the church carrying a large piece of glass. "Here, Pony, this'll do it. Here." He sat it in front of Pony.

Ponyboy grimaced, sticking a cigarette in his mouth. "Gee, this really makes me look tuff," he muttered sarcastically.

"Alright," Johnny said, handing him his blade. "Go ahead. Get your jollies."

"My pleasure."

"Yeah, I know it is. Be nice."

Grinning, Pony started hacking at Johnny's hair, pleased to be getting his revenge. Johnny squinted in pain and Pony seemed delighted. "Hurts don't it?"

"Yeah, yeah … Come on, man, I didn't cut that much off you!"

"Your bright idea, smarty," Pony mumbled, but he stopped, handed the blade back to him, and looked at me. Johnny raised his eyebrows at me and I bit my lip, anxious.

"How – How much are you cutting off?" I asked quietly and he shrugged.

"I don't know."

"… Fine!"

I sat down on a log and he stood behind me. He picked up a bundle of my long straight black hair, inhaled deeply, and sawed at it. I clenched my eyes shut tight and gritted my teeth, and a few minutes later my head felt so much lighter. My hand immediately shot up and I felt my poor hair. Getting upset, I didn't say anything at all while Johnny bleached it.

What felt like an hour later, Johnny set the mirror in front of me and I stared into it sourly. My hair almost reached my shoulders and was insanely choppy and surprisingly layered. I didn't mind the cut, I personally thought Johnny could become a successful hair stylist if he wanted to (which I doubted), it was the colour that disgusted me. I was blonde and sure it looked good on some people, I just wasn't one of them. Glowering, I looked over at Pony. Now, he was one of the people who could pass as a natural blonde.

"Why'd you do this to me?" I asked Johnny miserably.

"Sorry," he murmured.

Both of us glowering, Pony and I watched Johnny was the grease out of his hair from the pump, then followed him back inside the church. As I watched him shiver uncontrollably, I almost felt happy to see him suffer after destroying my hair. It was a drastic change going from black to blonde and I was still in a sort of shock.

"I'm still tired," Pony said abruptly.

I glanced over at him and saw tears streaming down his face. Johnny looked at him, guilt clear on his face.

"Look, I'm sorry I cut your hair off, Ponyboy."

"It ain't that … Just … I dunno – I'm all mixed up."

"Yeah, I know … Everything's been happening so fast, y'know?"

Yeah, I knew!

Johnny put his arm around Pony's shoulders comfortingly.

"Man, you know that little one-horse store this morning? I was thinking Two-Bit, he could've walked out with half that thing … Good ol' Two-Bit huh?"

Ponyboy sniffed. "Remember how he was wise-cracking last night? … Just last night we was walkin' Cherry and Marcia home from the movies …" I watched as Johnny's face twisted in pain as Pony continued talking. I could read what was going on in his head from his face. "… Just last night we was laying up in the Lot looking up at the stars."

"Stop it, man!" Johnny burst, jumping to his feet and turning his back to us. "Shut up about last night!"

Pony got to his feet too, squinting. "Johnny!"

"I killed a kid last night! Couldn't've been more than seventeen, maybe eighteen, years old and I killed him! How'd you like to live with that, huh?" he cried, sitting on the bench and putting his head in his hand. Pony and I sat beside him. "I didn't mean to. They was drownin' you and I didn't know what to do." He paused, then quietly muttered, "… Sure is a lot of blood inside of people."

The picture of Bob laying in a pool of his own blood flashed into my mind and my stomach turned.

"What're we gonna do?" Pony asked gently.

Johnny snapped again and stood up. "Aw man, it's all my fault for bringing a thirteen year old kid and a girl along! You know, you ougtta go home y'guys! You can't get in any trouble! I mean, you didn't go on and kill him!!"

"No!" Pony shouted.

"What?!" I snapped, my eyes huge.

"I'm fourteen, I've been fourteen for a month, and I'm in this just as much as you are!"

"Just 'girl'?!" I freaked, jumping up and staring straight into his big black eyes. "That's all I am?! We're your damn best friends, Johnny, and there's nothing in this whole world we wouldn't do for you! We're all in this together and as far as I'm concerned we all killed Bob Sheldon!"

"No! I didn't mean it like that, y'guys! Don't cry!"

I hadn't noticed the flood of tears spilling down my face and I could hear Pony's sobs behind me. "Don't cry, you guys!" Johnny begged and pulled us both into a tight hug. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's gonna be alright. We'll be fine."

* * *

**aww shucks. Isn't Johnny just the sweetest thing ever? But PLEASE PLEASE review!!!!**

**wanna know what i'm listening to at this moment? too bad - paul mccartney. i love paul mccartney. he's awesome. anyways ...**

**if you wanna make me happy you only have to do one SMALL little thing that will take literally two seconds - REVIEW!!! it will make my day and make all this worth it. 'kay.**


	18. Chapter 18

Okay so ... I know, it took long. And this chapter's not even that good. I completely PROMISE that the next chapter will be way better so ... please don't get discouraged. I just couldn't think that well lately.

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Chapter Eighteen

The next few days I slept the most I'd ever slept. While Johnny and Pony played poker I slept, while they ate I slept, and while they smoked I slept. But I did stay awake while Pony read _Gone With The Wind_ out loud. I was completely entranced by it and was surprised to find Johnny and Pony were too.

"I bet they were cool ol' guys," Johnny exclaimed one day about the Southern gentlemen. "They remind me of Dally."

I twitched, surprised, and gawked at him.

Pony did too. "Dally?! Shoot, he ain't go any more manners than I do. And you saw how he treated those girls the other night. Soda's more like them Southern boys."

I never realised before just how much Pony admired Soda. He talked about him all the time so lovingly.

"Yeah …" Johnny muttered quietly, "in the manner's bit, and the charm too, I guess … but one night I saw Dally gettin' picked up by the fuzz, and he kept real cool and calm the whole time. They was gettin' him for breakin' out the windows in the school building, and it was Two-Bit who did that. And Dally knew it. But he just took the sentence without battin' an eye or even denyin' it. That's gallant."

Everything was silent while we all thought hard, staring off in random directions.

"You sure do love Dally, huh Johnny?" I murmured softly after a while.

Johnny looked at me. "… Sure, yeah."

"It's strange to me! Ponyboy admires Sodapop and you admire Dallas, but I … I don't, like … you know … There's no one I wish I was. Maybe little stuff like 'I wish I had a loving supportive family', 'I wish I wasn't so self-conscious' kind of stuff, but I don't know anyone! I mean, you're pretty close, Pony, but what happened to your parents, and Johnny's are sort of like what mine … were …" I sighed. "… I guess there's no such thing as a perfect family and that's all I want. I want Sam and Jen back and nice parents for us! Is that too much to ask for?!" I cried. "… Clearly it is!"

"No," Johnny mumbled. "It's not too much! Everyone should feel safe, accepted, and happy in their own home! 'Cause you sure can't feel that way anywhere else in this crappy town!!" His breath was jagged as he shook his head unbelievingly. "You always gotta be on the lookout for socs jumping you just because you're a greaser! I'm sick of it!!" He got to his feet and walked out of the church heatedly.

Ponyboy stared at the floor miserably. "Even if we do go home, is it gonna be any different? The socs are always gonna hate us and jump us and … especially 'cause we killed one of them!!"

"It's hopeless," I said under my breath.

------

The next day I slept on and off until seven pm. For the rest of the night I sat outside at the back of the church and watched the sunset with Johnny and Ponyboy.

"Pony?"

"Yeah."

"How come … How come we never hung out at school?" I asked quietly.

He glanced over at me and shrugged. "I don't know."

"Well … we should … Unless you …"

"No! No! Sure! Yeah, that'd be fine."

I grinned. "Good … I don't … have any other friends."

He smiled and turned back to the darkening sky.

------

"Hey, blondie! Heh heh!"

I slowly opened my eyes. I tried to sit up but my whole body was stiff from the hard bench.

"Hey, Dal!" Pony's voice exclaimed.

I gradually turned onto my side and pushed myself up straight. Dally walked over to Johnny and ruffled his hair.

"Hey, Johnny! Rise and shine, man!"

"How's Soda doin'?" Pony asked quickly while Johnny sat up.

"Hey, Dallas! How are ya?"

"Is he pretty upset?"

"Are the fuzz after us? Didja hear anything?"

"Hey, hey, hey! One at a time now!" Dally spat, leaning against a wall. "You guys uh … hungry? You wanna get somethin' to eat? I'm starving, man!"

"You're starving?! Try bologna for four days!" Johnny snapped.

Dally laughed. "Eh, you got a cancerstick, Johnny?"

"Yeah."

Dally took it, lit it, took a long drag, then took a folded piece fo paper out of his pocket. "Got a special delivery for a Ponyboy Curtis."

"Who's this from?" Pony asked as he took it.

"The president of the United States of America."

"Yeah right."

"Serious! … From your brother, Sodapop."

"How'd he know I was here?"

Dally sighed. "I told him I didn't know where you were but he didn't believe me. He really wanted me to give that to you, man."

Ponyboy nodded and started reading it. I wondered what Soda had written. I sort of felt alone since no one wrote me a letter or ever would. There was no one who cared enough about me.

Johnny slowly ruffled his hair. "Hey, Dal, what's goin' on with the cops, man? You hear anything?"

Pony looked up from his letter. "How come you got hauled in?"

"Those boys down at the station know me by now. While I was there, they kind of beat it out of me that you guys were … get this one … that you guys were headed for Texas, man! Texas! Texas, man, gah!" He shook his head and stared at Pony. "Look at this guy with his hair, man! I can't believe that. Blondie, man! And you too River! You could almost pass as siblings."

"I know I look lousy but don't rub it in," Pony muttered.

Dally straightened up. "You guys wanna get somethin' to eat?"

"You better believe it! Let's get atta here!" Johnny exclaimed.

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**Okay so ... Like I said, please stick with me!!! And PLEASE review!!!!!!!!! I live off them and I would REALLY appreciate it. PLEASE!! I'm begging you!!! I've already written a bit of the next chapter and it's already better so ... yes.**

**I'm listening to Think For Yourself by the Beatles right now. ... not that you care -grin-**


	19. Chapter 19

soo ... yes. well ... chapter nineteen. amazing. haha.

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Chapter Nineteen

"I'll give you guys a ride for your money," Dally stated as we headed out to his car.

Dally was an insane driver and I spent the entire ride to Dairy Queen clinging to the seat for dear life, my eyes closed, and the thought "Please don't crash! Don't kill me like this!" racing through my head. When we finally reached Dairy Queen I was so startled, Johnny and Ponyboy had to tell Dally what I wanted as I stared into the sky, my heart flipping around in my chest, and my whole body trembling from head to foot. When we parked, Johnny and Pony started horking down the food so fast I had just unwrapped my burger when they were starting their second (yes, I have problems with wrappers, even easy ones that come with fast food).

"Glory. You don't need to make like every mouthful's your last – I got plenty of money!" Dally exclaimed, gawking at them. "Take it easy, I don't want you gettin' sick on me. And I thought I was hungry!"

I took a bite of the burger and almost died from the forgotten taste. Sure, I hadn't had any burgers during those long torturous days in the church but I hadn't had a burger since months before that either.

"Oh, I didn't tell y'all something," Dally started, swallowing. "The socs and us are having all-out warfare all over the city. That kid you killed, Johnny, had plenty of friends and all over town it's soc against grease. We can't walk alone at all."

I watched Johnny's face grow darker and darker. I knew how guilty he felt. He felt like it was his fault all the socs and greasers had even more tension and conflict between them. But Dally and Pony never noticed anything.

"I started carryin' a heater …"

I gagged and Pony's mouth dropped.

"Dally! You kill people with heaters!" Pony cried.

"Ya kill 'em with switchblades too, don't ya kid?" Dally nudged Johnny who sighed and stared at his feet.

"Ouch," I muttered but Dally continued.

"Don't worry, it ain't loaded. I ain't aimin' to get picked up for murder. But it sure does help a bluff. Tim Shephard's gang and our outfit are havin' it out with the socs tomorrow night at the vacant lot."

"What?!" I spat and Dally stared at me, his eyebrows raised high. "Well, that's just gonna fix everything, ain't it? More people getting injured, maybe even killed, and no one's gonna win! No one can win!"

"What are you talkin' about, you pratty broad?!" Dally glared at me and I physically shrunk away, terrified. "You don't gotta come!"

"I'm not gonna!!"

"Good!! 'Cause you ain't invited! Why do you hang out with these guys anyways?" He looked around at Johnny and Pony who both froze their chewing and frowned at him. "Do you really think you're one of the gang?"

"Dally!" Johnny moaned.

That stung! My chin quivered as I clenched my eyes shut to stop the tears. How could he be so heartless? How's it human to not care so much, to love to hurt others so much?

"Don't talk like that to her!" I heard Johnny say surprisingly strongly. "You're part of the gang, River, don't worry."

I opened my eyes a bit, blinking lots, to see Dally rolling his eyes and Johnny watching me.

"Two-Bit got jumped a few days ago," Dally went on, all anger or any other rare emotion completely gone. "Darry and me came along in time but he wasn't havin' too much trouble. Two-Bit's a good fighter. Hey! I didn't tell you – we got us a spy!"

"A spy? Who?" Pony asked, surprised.

"Remember that uh … Remember that good-looking broad I tried to pick up the night you uh … killed that kid – what's her name? Uh … Cherry something – the redhead?"

"Cherry Valance?" Pony exclaimed. "The soc?"

"Yeah, she came over to the vacant lot the night Two-Bit was jumped. That took a lot of nerve. Some of us was for jumping her then and there, her bein' the dead kid's girl and all, but Two-Bit stopped us. She said she felt that the whole mess was her fault, which it is."

We sat there silently, everyone eating gratefully. Suddenly, Johnny broke the silence. Johnny very rarely broke a silence.

"We're going back. We're gonna turn ourselves in."

Dally's eyes grew huge as he stared at him incredulously. "What?!" he spat.

"I got a good chance of being let off easy! I ain't got no record with the fuzz and it was self-defence, you just said. Pony and Cherry can testify to that …"

"No, no, no, no, no," Dally muttered, shaking his head angrily.

"… and – and we won't say that you helped us. I'll give you back that gun so you won't get in any trouble!"

Dally glared at the dashboard, thinking heatedly. "… Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Johnny rubbed his head, looking scared and upset.

"This is what you wanna do? Even though us greasers get it worse than anyone else?"

"Yeah, sure man. It ain't fair for Darry and Soda worryin' about Ponyboy all the time!" He swallowed and looked at Dally out of the corner of his eye. "I don't … I don't guess my folks are worryin' about me or anything …" He shrugged, trying to look like he really couldn't care less, but everyone knew different.

"The boys are worried! D'you know that Two-Bit wanted to go to Texas to hunt for you?!"

Johnny groaned and started looking frustrated. "Dally! I asked if my parents asked about me!"

"No," Dally shouted, "they didn't ask about you!! So what? You think my ol' man gives a hang if I'm uh … dead in a carwreck or drunk or in jail or somethin'? He doesn't care! But that doesn't bother me none! Come on! You're not – You're not goin' anywhere!"

Seeing Johnny's clear disappointment on his face nearly made me cry. He cared so much and always gave people so many chances. His parents abused him constantly but he always went back, always gave them another chance to change … and they never did.

"I get you a hangout and a hideout! Look at this, now you wanna split! … Just terrific!" He punched the dashboard and stepped on the gas, peeling out of the parking lot. "Blast it, Johnny! Why didn't you think of turning yourself in five days ago? It would have saved a lot of trouble."

Johnny sighed heavily. "I was scared … I still am."

I never really dwelled on how much stress Johnny must have been going through the past few days. Just now I was realising how terrified he really was. He was mortified of cops in the first place but now that they had a reason to be after him, that terror must have been multiplied to completely unbearable.

Johnny stared at his feet quietly, looking entirely miserable.

"Johnny, I ain't mad at you," Dally pleaded softly. "I just don't want you to get hurt. You don't know what a few months in jail can do to you. You get mean in jail! I just don't wanna see that happen to you like it happened to me, man! You understand?"

My eyebrows pushed together. Dally didn't reassure people! Dally didn't care about other people's feelings! Dally cared about Dally and that was it.

Johnny looked over at him and sighed. "… Would you rather have me living in hideouts for the rest of my life, always on the run?"

Dally swore and slammed on the brakes abruptly. Thinking Dally was going to flip on Johnny, I looked up from my lap, ready to yell at Dally, when I noticed the huge amount of smoke billowing out of the church.

"What's going on?!" Dally snapped as he stepped on the gas and drove up closer.

"Wonder how that started," Pony said sarcastically, throwing away the cigarette he'd just lit.

Dally shut off the car and stared at the church, shaking his head unbelievingly. Pony jumped out and ran over.

"Get back in here before I beat your head in!" Dally roared.

Johnny, Dally, and I all watched as Pony started talking to a big balding guy, Johnny halfway out the door. Soon a lady ran up to them frantically.

"Jerry, some of the children are missing!!" she cried.

Just then little screaming voices came from inside the church. Pony started and whipped around, horror on his face. Then he turned and ran. Johnny quickly slipped out of the car and followed. I tried to go too but Dally grabbed the back of my sweater and held me back.

"PONY!!" Johnny shouted after him.

I struggled against Dally's grip but he was so much stronger than me. I stared at him incredulously. "Why won't you let me go?!!"

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**i think dally actually does have a heart. but he hides it well. he was taught on the streets that having a heart can kill you. he still feels. ... hmm ... JOHNNY RULES MAN!!!! hahaa**


	20. Chapter 20

**So sorry it took this long ... I've been procrastinating ... of course ...

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**Chapter Twenty**

He didn't answer, just gave me an evil look. Then he opened the door and dragged me out. Not loosening his grip one bit, he hauled me over to the church and around back. Through the wall we could hear the kids screaming their voices hoarse. Finally letting go of me, he reached up and pulled the boards off the boarded-up window revealing Johnny and Pony and the little kids.

There were so many flames and the whole church was cracking and popping. Johnny lifted up a kid and handed him to Dally. Dally dropped him on the ground and went back for another one while I just watched stupidly, my legs starting to tremble. Soon all the kids were out and I had transferred to bouncing slightly, anxious.

"Hurry, hurry, it's gonna collapse, aw come on," I muttered under my breath, barely able to breathe, waiting desperately for Johnny and Ponyboy to come flying through the window. But they didn't come.

I heard a huge crack, looked up and saw the roof shift drastically, looked down and saw Pony on fire and Johnny nowhere to be seen. Dally grabbed Pony, yanked him out the window, and smacked the fire on his back, knocking him out cold. Then I heard the most horrifying, heart-wrenching scream ever, immediately sending me to tears.

"JOHNNY!!" I shrieked causing Dally to whip around and jump back in the window, yelling "I'm coming, Johnny!"

My vision entirely blurred, I stumbled over to the window, just as the whole entire blazing church collapsed, any possible way of getting in or out, gone. Stunned, I stared at the rubble and the next thing I knew I was on the ground, bawling fiercely, harsher and longer than I ever did for my family. I blocked out everything around me, just lived in my head, my pained head. People and unknown sounds surrounded me but I ignored it all.

Someone had kneeled beside me and latched onto my shoulders, telling me words I didn't understand, but I continued moaning and bawling, completely oblivious. Soon that person, still gripping my shoulders, pulled me slowly to my feet. My hands clutched my face, gouging my eyes out, as I tried to ignore the screaming and crying all around me. The person was still speaking soft calming incomprehensible words in my ears and started leading me somewhere.

Shaking, I gradually peeled my hands away from my face, the wind and blinding sun hitting me full force. What I saw horrified me. It was Johnny on a stretcher, unconscious and burned, getting wheeled past towards an ambulance beside the one the person was pushing me to. His flesh was dark brown and black and red, gone in patches and truly sickening.

"No! Johnny!" I moaned, trying to shake off the person and follow Johnny.

"Please, calm down! We're going to the hospital. You're in shock!"

I hadn't realised how cold I was and how sick I felt. But I needed to see Johnny! I needed to ride with Johnny! I turned and looked at the person holding onto my shoulders. It was the teacher who had first realised the children were missing. She looked worried.

"Let me go!!"

"No, dear, come with me!"

I froze as I watched Dally being wheeled to the ambulance that Johnny had disappeared into. Ponyboy was being lifted into the other ambulance and everyone was unconscious. Bawling, I ripped myself out of her grip and bolted over to Johnny's ambulance with her on my heels. I pushed past the stunned paramedics and climbed in.

"She's in shock …" I heard the teacher explain to the medics but I had no patience to listen to the rest. Trembling, I stared at Johnny. Even though he was in such a painful condition he still seemed so calm and peaceful, and I sort of envied him. I wanted to feel that peace and calmness. I felt like barfing because of all the stupid adrenaline rushing through me, my heart beating so fast it hurt.

Though we were squished, the paramedics let me stay … mostly because I'd clasped onto the stretcher and refused to budge and they needed to get to the hospital quick. As we zipped away in the ambulance, it all seemed a blur. I didn't remember anything between that moment and when I ended up sitting in the hospital beside Pony and Jerry.

"You shouldn't be smoking, son," said Jerry as he lit his own cigarette. I blinked at him.

"Why not?" Pony asked, taking a long drag.

"'Cause you're a young man, that's why! It's a bad habit to get into."

"I'm sure it is." Pony gestured at Jerry's own cigarette and shook his head.

Just then Johnny and Dally came rolling in on their stretchers. Pony twitched harshly when he saw Johnny. Dally was awake and the same as always.

"If you ever pull a stunt like that again I'm gonna kill you!" he threatened Pony and then they were gone.

I stared at the door in which Johnny had disappeared into, my heart still screaming at me in pain. I clutched my head and leaned over, groaning. They looked so bad! What was I jinxed? Was everyone I ever knew and liked going to die on me? Was I meant to be alone for my whole entire life?!!

I heard a door shut and looked up. Soda and Darry walked in slowly. Pony saw them and smiled the hugest smile I'd ever seen as he jumped to his feet and ran into Soda's arms.

"Ponyboy!" Soda muttered, grinning. "Oh, look at your tuff hair!" He laughed.

Pony stopped and stared at Darry who was standing there awkwardly. "Ponyboy?"

Pony stared at him for a bit then just grinned and ran to him, hugging him tightly. Darry wrapped his arms around his little brother protectively and, his eyes clenched shut, started crying uncontrollably. "I thought I lost you like we did mom and dad!" he gasped causing me to choke up.

Pony had his brothers to worry about him but Johnny and I had no one. No one cared! No one would ever be able to understand just how much I wanted someone to truly care about me! It was all I ever wanted! The pain and sorrow multiplied by ten million in my heart when I thought of that probability. I was never going to be cared about. Unable to watch Pony getting so much love any longer, I got up and ran to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and bawled fiercely until I'd cried everything in my body out and I felt completely numb.

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When I was finished, when all the water in my body had been spilled out of my eyes, I re-emerged to find Darry sleeping upright, Soda's head on Darry's legs, and Pony leaning against Soda. Trying my hardest to breathe evenly, I joined them in the chairs, slumped down in mine, and fell asleep too.

I slept horrible.

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**Yeah, I'm not so crazy about this chapter but oh well. **

**Listening to Blaqk Audio right now. Know who that is? It's a band that Davey Havok and Jade Puget (from AFI) made. They're so awesome. It's like all 80s dance stuff. Totally sweet. Anyhoo ... Yayy!!**

**REVIEWS!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!!! I live off reviews! ... i'm sure i said that some other time ... -shrug- oh well.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Wow. ... so i know this took a REALLY long time but seriously, i had no internet for a while (like a month). Yeah ... I don't even really remember what i wrote ...

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Chapter Twenty-One 

_I keep my eyes clenched shut as tight as I possibly can as I grip both Sam and Jen, one in each arm. They both cling to me firmly, their faces pressed into the crook between my neck and shoulders. I can feel the warm wet tears soaking my shirt and wish the tears on my own face would stop flowing and the complete fear in my heart and stomach would vanish._

"_It's okay, it's okay," I mutter repeatedly in a vain attempt to block out the screams and swearing coming from the stairs._

"_RIVER!! GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE!!" my mom shrieks at the top of her lungs._

_I don't move._

"_Please don't leave us, River," a small shaky voice whispers. _

_I look down to see Jen and Sam both staring at me with huge terror-filled eyes._

_I shake my head. "Don't worry. I'm not going to leave you. I'll never leave you. I'll always protect you."_

_They both stare at me for a few seconds then Sam nods. "We know."_

I snapped awake and sudden guilt and remorse drowned me. … I didn't protect them. I left them.

Abruptly I noticed the soft voices everywhere and realised I was in a bright place on something really comfy. I groaned and sat up, rubbing my eyes. I blinked a few times and saw that I was at the Curtis' house. Two-Bit and Darry were in the kitchen with Pony and I could hear Soda and Steve laughing and shouting in the other room. I sighed and just listened, not really feeling like socializing. I remembered why I was here and I couldn't rip my mind from the image of Johnny all burnt up or from the memories of my past life.

Soda and Steve entered the kitchen excitedly. No one noticed I was awake.

"You know what? When we stomp the Socies good, me and Stevie here are gonna throw a big party and everybody can get stoned. Then we'll go chase the Socs clear to Mexico," Soda announced proudly.

I frowned and stared at my feet. I forgot they were going to be fighting. I didn't want to be around when they fought and I especially didn't want to be around afterwards. Parties weren't my thing, including drugs and I'd rather be far away at the time.

"You going to take Sandy to the party?" I heard Pony ask and in that second every sound they had been making was muted. They all turned to stare at Soda who watched his feet miserably. "What's the deal?" Pony demanded.

I sighed. She actually left.

"No. She went to live with her grandmother in Florida," Soda muttered dismally.

Pony didn't get it. "How come?"

As soon as Steve raised his voice angrily, I blocked it all out. I felt horrible for Soda. I wished Sandy had told him properly. I wished Sandy had stayed. I wished Sandy hadn't betrayed him in the first place. She obviously didn't know what she was doing to Sodapop. Maybe she didn't even care. I couldn't help but side with Soda.

"We'd better get on to work, Pepsi-Cola," Darry announced, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen.

I watched them emotionlessly as they started for the door and Ponyboy and Two-Bit noticed me. I could feel just how blank my face was but I couldn't get the energy to do anything about it.

"Oh, good morning, River," Pony said, attempting to sound happy but I saw the weird look on his face. "Did we wake you?"

I shook my head slightly but didn't say anything.

"Okay, well, see you guys later," Darry stated, waving a bit. His eyes fell on me as he and Soda passed. "See you."

I nodded.

Once they were gone, Two-Bit and Pony started laughing and goofing off. I ignored them and continued lying there.

What felt like hours later, Pony and Two-Bit appeared at my side. Pony looked worried.

"Hey, River … Do you wanna come with us to go see Johnny?" he asked cautiously.

I nearly flew out of the couch, screaming, "YES!!"

We headed slowly over to the Tasty Freeze first though. As we reached the door a specific blue Mustang pulled in behind us. Pony and Two-Bit stopped, and I almost bolted into the store and hid. I didn't want to see them. I couldn't see them. I thought that if I did see them, I would kill them. Johnny was dying because of them and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my sanity around them.

As they climbed out of the car, Two-Bit leaned on Pony's shoulder and looked at them coolly, both of them sporting cigarettes hanging out of their mouths. I glared at the window, refusing to look into the eyes of any of them.

"You know the rules. No jazz before the rumble," Two-Bit said confidently.

I blocked out Randy's answer, trying to ignore the sound of his voice. I soon realised that I was shaking violently and digging my nails into my palms. The next thing I knew, Pony had left with Randy, and my mouth almost literally dropped open. Why was he socializing with the enemy? I couldn't take it anymore.

Shaking my head, I opened the door to the store and stepped in. I grabbed a Root Beer, bought it, and waited in there by the door. The clerk watched me warily but I ignored her too.

Why was it taking so long? Didn't Pony want to go see Johnny? I needed to see him. I needed to after having that dream. I couldn't take another person in my life that I cared about leaving me. I wouldn't be able to take it. I wouldn't be able to live. I don't know what I would do without Johnny.

I blurred out and, once again, lived in my head. Until I heard a weird knocking. I came back to reality and noticed Two-Bit tapping on the glass door. Finally. Sighing, I opened the door and stepped out.

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**Yeah well ... hopefully it won't take this long again! **


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